The Great Bamboozle !
by Coach on May.06, 2013, under Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Agoraphobia and OCD
“One of the saddest lessons of history is this: If we’ve been bamboozled long enough, we tend to reject any evidence of the bamboozle. We’re no longer interested in finding out the truth. The bamboozle has captured us. It’s simply too painful to acknowledge, even to ourselves, that we’ve been taken. Once you give a charlatan power over you, you almost never get it back.”
― Carl Sagan, The Demon-Haunted World: Science as a Candle in the Dark
Ah yes, the Bamboozle ! We are so easily flim-flammed by people in power, by the controlling people in every day life, but worst of all, we bamboozle ourselves. There is little doubt and a plethora of evidence all around us of manipulators taking advantage of those would be victims who just find it so uncomfortable to admit to the fact that there is a dark side to people, and in some cases, very little conscience among those who can rationalize and justify taking advantage of the conflict-avoiding natures of the many. But back to my previous point that we bamboozle ourselves every day and in a way every bit as lethal and paralyzingly a by the hands of others.
I had a client just recently express his frustration over the fact that it is his own “Default Thinking” that keeps him from making progress in taking greater control of his life. He is so frustrated that he is stuck, trapped in his life by his fears and self-sabotaging negative thoughts. There is truly a dark side in our minds that feasts on every mistake we have ever made, every move that went bad, every relationship that soured, every effort that fell short of the goal. These negative thoughts become so habitual, that they so often develop into a pattern of avoiding challenge and change.
I had been prodding and pushing my client for months to take steps to become more involved with groups and classes that I knew from our discussions were of real interest to him. Just maybe these events and experiences that could ignite some enthusiasm that would gradually come to the surface and just might encourage more faith and trust in himself that would lead to a more optimistic thought or two.
He finally went to the seminar and not only felt a little fire in his belly, but met someone that actually mentioned helping him get his foot in the door at his company. He felt some momentum building just being at the seminar as it stimulated some positive thoughts and feelings, but the chance meeting with this guy was like a gust of wind that filled his sails.
Then while at the seminar, he saw a professor from a school he attended previously, and that stimulated thoughts and memories of being told he had real promise in his field of interest. My client said to me, ” I am thinking of calling that professor and asking him if he has any opportunities for internships, even volunteer work that would enhance my value in this field of study.”
I pointed out to him that for weeks he has felt helpless and depressed at being stuck in a go no-where job, and when he finally took a step, he could feel a little electricity pulsing through his body. Taking a step outside his comfort zone was such a positive move, and it had allowed him to escape the gravitational pull of his negative, default thinking.
We manipulate and control our own destiny every day as we fall prey to our learned avoidant behavior, which is of course reinforced by our default, fear based thoughts like :
” Good things don’t happen to people like me. ”
” I’m not smart enough ”
” What if I fail that course ?”
” What if I cannot do the job well enough ?”
” What if ……. ?
We are caught by our own bamboozle by telling ourselves lies that paralyze our future efforts. We have heard these negative, “Murhpy’s Law” kind of thoughts rattle around in our private meanderings so often, that we believe them to be true. If we do not actively and aggressively challenge these thoughts, they become so much more powerful and deeply entrenched. As a result, we allow making a mistake to mean we cannot do something rather than looking at what we have learned from the experience. We tell ourselves we are not smart enough even though hard work has led many a man or woman to loftier positions even without being geniuses. Good things can happen to people who do not give up and learn from their errors.
However, our default thinking is powerful as it grows in the fertile soil of our subconscious.
We again must challenge these thoughts persistently and consistently on a DAILY basis, and that means we must experience steps outside our comfort zone. At the same time, we must surround ourselves with like-minded and supportive people to help prevent us from sliding down that slippery slope that is always so close. It is only in this way that we can break the shackles of our negative and sabotaging thoughts and the resulting self-limiting behaviors.
Until we do just that, until we believe in and trust ourselves, we are easy pickings for those who would manipulate and control us because they can. We are their pawns because we will not speak up or challenge them for fear of failure or rejection. Knowing that, manipulators will use shame, guilt and divide and conquer rituals to keep you from amassing any personal strength and energy. Turn on the news and take notes, it is happening every day.
Gene Benedetto, Psychologist
Blog: RuledByFear.com
The Great Bamboozle
” Let No Crisis Go to Waste “
by Coach on Apr.15, 2013, under Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Agoraphobia and OCD, STOPPING ABUSE
I was watching a video this morning where a guy was walking along some boardwalk in California asking those who passed by to sign his petition. He openly exaggerated what he was saying to get the attention of his audience.
He asked them to sign a petition to eliminate the Second Amendment altogether and allow the government to go house to house confiscating ALL guns from law abiding citizens, but to let the bad guys have their guns so that the police can take care of them in their own way. People just signed the petition, one after another as if he was asking them if they wanted free ice cream .The more he repeated and embellished on his words, the more the people seemed to just turn him off, sign and be on their way.
To test his theory out further that so many people just do not care even to know what they are signing, he proposed another issue. With clipboard in hand, he asked each person to sign a petition to ask that ” inflation be allowed to go up to 100%”. Again, people signed without a question asked.
If that is where we are in our society, that so many of us are so lost in our own little worlds that we are unaware, or just don’t care, then we are truly in self-destruct mode. Are we that numb ? Are we that lost in our own space ?
So, it should not be surprising that so many who make up the decision making ranks of our government, both Democrat and Republican politicians alike, have become liars, manipulators and abusers of the very people they serve. Yes, I did say abusers, because they use shame and guilt to manipulate us to see things their way, to do their bidding, a tactic I have seen all too often when I deal with children or young woman who have been emotionally, sexually or physically abused.
Our Congressmen, Senators, and yes even our President promise everything under the sun, knowing that what they offer may be impossible to deliver, but also having the realization that we as a people have become weak, lazy or believe there is nothing we can say or do that will make a difference. They are cunning, these master politicians, and they know human nature. They have come to see us as weak and as easy victims to prey upon.
“No matter how big the lie; repeat it often enough and the masses will regard it as the truth.” ― John F. Kennedy
I cringe when I hear speeches that are meant to instill guilt and shame, when no real solutions are put forth because sometimes there are no real solutions. Bad people will do bad things ! No matter what we do, no laws, no programs will create a utopia. There will be bad people who do evil because of their own dark issues and needs. There are people who, although they are capable of contributing to our society, feel entitled to be taken care of, and be depenndent. Nothing we do will change that.
Have you really seen any government program that does not wreak of corruption and fraud ? Look at how we treat our Vets. Look at the scams that openly cheat and defraud our Medicare, Medicaid and Social Security Retirement systems. Look at how many more people each day come to be able to JUSTIFY scamming the system.
“You never let a serious crisis go to waste. And what I mean by that it’s an opportunity to do things you think you could not do before.” Rahm Emanuel
Our government should be consciously and tirelessly cleaning up and making the present programs work before creating new programs. Instead, CRISES are used to pass bills and laws and create even more programs where, even in writing these grand proposals, there is manipulation and hidden agendas at play. PORK is added to most bills to benefit politicians in their respective states so that they can guarantee to please those who will vote them back into POWER. Politicians do what they do in so many cases in order to secure their own power and positions.
{ “Power tends to corrupt,” said Lord Acton, the 19th-century British historian. “Absolute power corrupts absolutely.” His maxim has been vividly illustrated in psychological studies, notably the 1971 Stanford Prison Experiment, which was halted when one group of students arbitrarily assigned to serve as “prison guards” over another group began to abuse their wards.}
I expend much energy each day as a Psychologist attempting to help people discover and find the inner strength to stand up for what they think, feel and desire to do with their lives. I see first hand how destructive it is when good people are made dependent . That dependency weakens them, causes them to not seek their dreams, and in the end become angry with themselves that they avoided all they wished at one time to accomplish in their lives.
True happiness comes when a person feels self-respect for what they think, feel and do with their lives. Facing challenges strengthens self-esteem and encourages more personal growth. People need JOBS and OPPORTUNITIES, not handouts. But at the same time, like a spoiled child, promise them everything, throw them a few free toys, and they become victims of the entitlement generation. Just wait until they face the consequences of their dependency ! I think many of our politicians know exactly what they are doing. So forgive me when I say that it is absolutely deplorable to see my fellow man, or woman manipulated by others for their own gain.
We must be accountable to ourselves for the decisions we make and the directions our lives take. However, when you give power to the people who govern our society, your job has just begun. The hard part is making certain that you make each politician accountable to the people he or she serves. We have acquiesced so much control to our government officials, and yes, we have become lazy at calling them to task for their mischievous behaviors. Like children, they must be reigned in and made to face consequences for their use and abuse of power.
This problem is enormous and is not going away. Whether the issue is Watergate, abhorrent “sexual” antics in the Oval Office, or the Benghazi debacle, if we do not hold their feet to the fire, the politicians we empower will rule us rather than serve us !
“We know that no one ever seizes power with the intention of r elinquishing it.” ― George Orwell, 1984
Gene Benedetto, Psychologist
Benhaven Counseling
Blog: www.RuledByFear.com
Newsletter and On-Line Support Group :www. OneStepataTime.com
Think About This, Feel About That !
by Coach on Apr.01, 2013, under Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Agoraphobia and OCD
Think About This, Feel About That !
What do you REALLY think and feel ?
I have heard it said, ” You are who you are when no one is looking.” That always made sense to me since many of us spend so much of our time adapting or molding into what we think others expect us to be. At least, many of my clients suffering from anxiety, panic attacks or obsessive-compulsive thoughts and rituals would find this to be true.
In fact, I have found that a predominant issue that triggers many of their anxiety symptoms is, in fact, their gradual realization that the need for approval and acceptance, their want to fit in and belong, and their fear of failure and rejection by others all to often effect or restrict what they do with their lives, or what they do not do.
We are, so to speak, what we think, feel and do !
But how easily are your thoughts influenced by what you think you ” should ” think ? Do you actually say what you think, or express your thoughts in terms that are more in line with others around you at the moment ? How often do you truly share your thoughts and risk disapproval or disagreement ?
Since what you FEEL is often significantly molded by what you think, if your thoughts
are not clearly your own, or are influenced by your fears of rejection or ridicule, what do you truly feel ? Are you being honest with yourself ? Like, what do you really feel about gay marriage, gun control, or abortion ? Look in the mirror and ask yourself !
In the end, it is what you DO with your life as a result of what you think and feel that brings you a sense of purpose, of meaning, of worth and value. So the more conflict there is about what you truly think and feel, the more likely you might be to avoid or be otherwise distracted from really doing what you could with your life !
Many a good and well-meaning person will waste so much emotional and psychological energy seeking approval, acceptance and validation from others that they often do not realize that they are giving up any potential momentum they could be devoting to their real personal growth.
When I focus with clients on having them truly define what they think and feel, and when they actually express their wants and opinions, they realize how much they have held themselves back. It takes time to learn to challenge their fears that have held them back, but they do, step by step, and as a result, they begin to TRUST their thoughts and opinions, to EMBRACE their feelings and to DO things in their life that bring more worth and value to their days.
They still care what others think and feel, but they learn to set boundaries as to how far they go to please. They are respectful of others thoughts and feelings but require respect in return.
Gene Benedetto, Psychologist
Blog: RuledByFear.com
Newsletter and On-Line Support Group: OneStepataTime.com
Intrusive Thoughts Paralyze
by Coach on Mar.17, 2013, under Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Agoraphobia and OCD
I spend much of my time as a therapist helping people who have Intrusive Thoughts, where a person obsesses over something, often an irrational thought, to the point that it can paralyze them from getting anything meaningful done for hours if not days.
For some, the focus of their thoughts is on some health issue, and most often not an actual physical issue they are dealing with but one they fear might arise. Every ache or pain triggers the fear of something more serious lurking around the corner.
Others find themselves spending vast amounts of their energy avoiding germs, not necessarily because they have had some disease, but they experience this urge, this unexplainable need to wash their hands repeatedly, or to shower multiple times before they feel comfortable enough to move on.
Still others find themselves checking their work over and over for fear that there is something they are missing that could lead to a disaster, failure or rejection.
A person can find himself obsessing over anything and then compulsively needing to carry out some repetitive behavior like checking, reorganizing and repeating some behavior while his day is passing him by. The nature of the thoughts and the resulting rituals know no boundaries, but they can be paralyzing.
If you have not experienced a form of obsessive-compulsive behavior, you may think it odd that others do. Certainly, some individuals who do find themselves trapped in the endless pattern of obsessing and carrying out rituals are the butt of jokes and sitcoms. But the reality is, many people suffer from this anxiety disorder and it is quite emotionally painful.
Having had a turn at obsessive-compulsive behaviors of my own, I enjoy working with these individuals in therapy, because I understand them. Of course I find them intelligent and truly wanting to find an avenue to control their thoughts and rituals. They are most often driven to find answers. There are most often sensitive, empathetic, adapting and caring people.
But what I also find is that they are people who have experienced emotional conflicts in their lives, where they are caught between doing what they feel they should, what is expected of them versus doing what they want, what is personally satisfying. It might be a child experiencing her first taste of rejection at the hands of a new student that she attempted to befriend, only to find the new friend bad-talking her to others. It might be an adolescent experiencing normal sexual urges but also being sensitive to what he has been taught about being responsible and respectful, what is right and wrong. Does he follow his basic urges, does he experiment and take risks ? It might be a young man raised in a perfectionistic environment where he feels nothing he does is good enough, yet he gives up being a child to do all he can to please his parents’ expectations.
Emotional conflicts often cause much frustration and anger, but the emotions are suppressed for fear of rejection. Suppressed emotions can do harm.
Conflict and conflicting emotions, especially anger, tends to create a sense of not being in control. Anger especially can ramp up ones brain chemistry so the person has strange feelings, even panic attacks. Not feeling in control, and not understanding the emotional turmoil that is brewing below the surface only adds to those feeling of not being in control.
This is when the person may find himself having intrusive thoughts and compulsive behaviors, momentary yet irrational thoughts leading to an urge to carry out some ritual, some compulsive behavior. Carrying out the compulsive behavior may give some relief, create a sense that ‘If I do this, I will feel better “, thus creating a temporary sense of control. Then the compulsive behavior becomes a habit.
When a client is willing to do the work to uncover the emotional conflicts, and also make some changes in how they deal with issues and people in their lives, they can in fact learn to challenge and take control of their intrusive thoughts and compulsive behaviors. The trick is to be able to guide the client to see the true causes and triggers, and offer the needed support while steps are taken to face changes. What these people need most of all is understanding and support. If you know someone with OCD, remember that !
Gene Benedetto, Psychologist
Newsletter and Support Group : www.OneStepataTime.com
Blog: www.RuledByFear.com
Facebook: www.Facebook.com/groups/RuledByFear
The Slippery Slope
by Coach on Mar.04, 2013, under Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Agoraphobia and OCD
So this young female client comes in to her session with good news as far as her progress in fighting off anxiety, but she still seems troubled.She had used all the tools we had discussed to understand and take control of the conflicts in her life that were triggers for her panic attacks and obsessive thoughts, and she felt strengthened knowing those tools worked. Yet again, she still appeared bothered, almost distant.
When I asked her about what I sensed, she at first reluctantly said she wasn’t sure, but that while we were talking about all she had done to feel more in control of her life, it was dawning on her that there was something else going on at school that was creating conflict, and she had pretty much ignored it until we started chatting.
It seems that while she is attending her college classes, some of the students were able to vie for part-time work for the school. The money was good and it was very convenient to be able to work a few hours a day in-between classes. These jobs were thought to be rather special and rare, so she was thrilled to secure one of them. After a few weeks of working this job, she found that there was nothing much to do. She expected she would be working on some project for her professors,and she was excited to be somehow involved in their programs and research. It would feel good to be a part of something important. But in fact, she was told to just spend the time doing her homework.
She looked around and saw that this was , in fact, what the other students were doing, getting paid to do their homework. It troubled her at first because she always thought of herself as a conscientious person with a good work ethic. She was brought up with a very spiritual and moral foundation.What she realized was bothering her the most was that she easily gave in and followed the crowd. As she sat in front of me, she expressed concern, even showed some tears as she realized how she was too easily acquiescing to a behavior that was very uncomfortable. She was not proud of what she was doing.
This situation created a ethical conflict, and she felt that alarms should have gone off in her head immediately, but they didn’t. Why was she just following ? Why was she just accepting a behavior that was previously unacceptable to her ? She could feel a decrease in self-pride, in esteem. This was a slippery slope, and she was on the precipice. ”If I could justify this when it is so against my ethics, what else could I rationalize my way around in life. I am feeling a lack of trust in myself now and it is terribly uncomfortable. I do not like being this vulnerable. ”
Not long after my encounter with this young lady, the mother in another family I have known for years was talking to me about how excited she and her husband were about starting their own business. Carol was a staunch Independent, and spoke quite openly about her disgust for those who live off the system when they are perfectly capable of working. Something changed however, as she and her husband found that they were receiving payments for many of their new company’s services “under the table “. That meant, of course, not having to worry about paying taxes until they were really making bigger bucks. This would allow them to build up a “war chest” of funds that really helped them get a better start with their company.
Then they realized how easy it was to set themselves up to receive “free lunches” for the kids, and then take advantage of free Welfare health services, just until their company got a really good start. All of a sudden, they were able to justify and rationalize that what they once rejected as people living off or scamming the system, was acceptable under “their” circumstances. I voiced my displeasure, but I cannot judge.
The problem is, of course, that greater numbers of people ARE able to justify this kind of behavior, and walk along the edge of that slippery slope where they eventually find themselves dependent on the system, weakened by their own choices, and dependent on a government who would thrive on their dependency. So goes the country !
Broken Merry Go Round
by Coach on Feb.10, 2013, under Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Agoraphobia and OCD
While taking my puppy Izzy on a ride through the park this morning, I found myself intently listening to the lyrics of a song, ” Merry Go Round ” , by singer Kacey Musgraves…
“ Mary Mary quite contrary,We get bored so we get marriedAnd just like dust we settle in this town.On this broken merry go ’round and ’round and ’round we go,Where it stops nobody knows…And it ain’t slowin’ down, this merry go ’round…
We think the first time’s good enough,So we hold on to high school love,Say we won’t end up like our parents.
Tiny little boxes in a row, Ain’t what you want it’s what you know, Just happy in the shoes you’re wearin’.
Read more: http://artists.letssingit.com/kacey-musgraves-lyrics-merry-go-round-vlwdr26#ixzz2KVwrcQL7
LetsSingIt – Your favorite Music Community
I had been thinking all week about a few clients who, despite some significant efforts on their parts to escape their past sabotaging thoughts and self-limiting perceptions of themselves, seemed to be stuck on that Merry Go Round, where any real change in their lives was thwarted by their negative self-talk, reinforced by fear.
One man in particular had made some very real efforts to change, to escape his boring life and take some risks. He actually quit his go nowhere job, and went back to school to seek at least an associates degree in alternative energies, something he felt some passion about. He actually did quite well, not only excelling in his classes, but being recognized by fellow students who requested tutoring from him, and then being recognized by a professor as being an exceptional student. Of course seemed proud at the time of what he accomplished and the accolades.
The anxiety symptoms and especially his rather severe obsessive-compulsiuve behaviors that had previously been ruling much of his life began to weaken some. He was surprised and I was extremelypleased at his progress. I knew much of his OCD was the result of his frustrations and conflicts with himself, so I did expect some decrease in his symptoms.
After two semesters, he had to return to work to pay bills, hoping to return to school in the near future. Sadly, within two months of being back at work and away from school, all his anxiety symptoms returned and his OCD was wreaking havoc. He was again stuck on the Merry Go Round of his previous life, going nowhere and being ruled by his self-defeating negative thoughts.
As we talked about his loss of momentum, he struggled a bit to explain his thoughts and feelings, but then he uttered an illuminating comment. ” I Never Embraced the Changes I was Making !”
Over those two semesters, he did experience what felt very new and different. He did “witness” that he was actually knowledgable, and was in fact able to help other students. But the whole time, it was like he was another person in some make believe world. He never really accepted, adopted, or presumed to be that person. Those two semesters were no match for his previous lifetime of ” that’s good enough”, “don’t make waves “, ” just be content with what you have and who you are “. ” I realize now that I dummed-down my good experiences so as not to rock the boat.” So even though his boat was going nowhere, the risk and fear of failure, rejection and embarrassment over-ruled his good experiences, all but erasing them from memory.
The bright side of this story is that there is a good chance that this young man can still get off the Merry Go Round. Since together we are not allowing him to forget what he actually did achieve, and armed with the realization that it takes continued, persistent,repeated experiences to break free of the ” gravitational pull ” of his past, he can plan his next steps to more effectively project himself into the world of his potential.
He can change, by taking steps, one at a time, but not allowing dust to settle on his efforts.You cannot take breaks from your efforts at personal growth. You must become ” obsessed ” with that growth to truly get off that Merry Go Round of the past, and never give into the urge to avoid. You must be ready to talk out loud about steps you are taking to grow. You must share your experiences with all who will listen, and not be detoured by non-believers. You must actively build a support system of like people. I believe this man will make it if he has the needed support and knowledge of how real change is accomplished.
“Tiny little boxes in a row, Ain’t what you want it’s what you know, Just happy in the shoes you’re wearing’.”
How about you ?
Gene Benedetto, Psychologist
Blog: RuledByFear.com
On-Line Support Group: OneStepataTime.com
Facebook: Facebook.com/groups/RuledByFear
Irrational Thoughts and Fears
by Coach on Jan.27, 2013, under Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Agoraphobia and OCD
Finding oneself obsessed with thoughts of some health crisis when none exists so that every ache or pain is thought to be a heart attack or signs of a brain tumor, worrying about contamination by germs to the point that one is fearful to leave their home, feeling this urge to have to drive back to an intersection to make sure you did not hit anyone although their was no evidence of such an act, are often referred to as irrational thoughts, part of a complex condition called Obesessive-Compulsive Disorder.
Now if you have never experienced these symptoms, you might scoff at the idea, and think to yourself, that sounds crazy. In fact, symptoms obsessive-compulsive dwelling on some irrational thought or a compulsive urge to repeat some behavior is much more common that you might think. And, I am seeing more and more children with these symptoms.
In reality, I think we all have at least some minor form of OCD. However, when “crazy” thoughts come into our heads, some might just blow them off dismissing them as something trivial. But what I have found is that the brighter we are, when we are feeling overwhelmed or in some personal crisis, panic attacks or obsessive-compulsive behaviors are very common. In the case of many of my clients, I find these very uncomfortable obsessive thoughts to be just another painful reaction to anxiety and typically avoidance of issues and conflict in one’s life.
These intrusive thoughts have a source, there is a reason why they are creating havoc in many people’s lives, but so often, the real triggers for these intrusive thoughts are ignored because for one thing, the actual thoughts become so frightening that that is all the person is focused on ! On the other hand, treatment for obsessive thoughts is often so focused on medications, which may or may not bring about some decrease in the thoughts, that not enough time is spent by therapists or psychiatrists to actually do therapy.
Therapy for obsessive-compulsive disorder can be a rather intense experience, but when done effectively, cognitive-behavioral therapy and exposure therapy works.
To challenge any anxiety symptoms, whether panic attacks, phobias or obsessive thoughts, the client must understand there is a reason why this is happening since goals must be set to deal effectively with the sources of conflict and pain in one’s life.
Self-Esteem is a very important part of our defense against anxiety symptoms. How we see ourselves, how we talk to ourselves in our private thoughts has everything to do with whether we are more or less vulnerable to anxiety symptoms and irrational fears.
The more pride one has for what he { or she } is achieving, the more one is willing to challenge herself to grow and stretch in her life’s work, and the more a person sees that she is taking steps to face issues rather than avoid them, the more positive that person’s self-talk will be. If one has avoided issues, is shied away from taking steps towards any of their dreams, the more likely their self-talk will be laden with negative, self-depricating thoughts.
If you do find yourself experiencing these intrusive thoughts or catch yourself needing to carry out rituals before you can move on to some other task, you might consider talking to a therapist in your area who specializes in treating these types of anxiety disorders.
Treatment works if you are willing to take the necessary steps, and the first step is to talk to a specialist. You are not crazy or losing your mind, but allowing these symptoms to go unchecked can lead to serious emotional and behavioral impairment, and that is so un-necessary.
Gene Benedetto, Psychologist
Benhaven Counseling, LLC
Blog: www.RuledByFear.com
On-Line Support Group: www.OneStepataTime.com
She Needs Your Help !
by Coach on Jan.14, 2013, under STOPPING ABUSE
Will you help me prevent a young girl of thirteen going on fourteen not give up ? Her name is Renee.
Why allow ourselves to be manipulated ?
by Coach on Jan.06, 2013, under STOPPING ABUSE, Uncategorized
” ? Those who manipulate usually thrive on control, and therefore they know how to use their skills effectively. The manipulators I have dealt with do it because they can ! Maybe to hide their own insecurities and secret frustrations and needs, maybe to carry out dark agendas for power, but whatever their motivation, why do we allow it ?
The Dumbing Down of America ?
by Coach on Dec.16, 2012, under Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Agoraphobia and OCD, STOPPING ABUSE
I have the pleasure and satisfaction of working every day to help Individuals identify the conflicts and issues that are blocking them from discovering and doing what they want with their lives, what might bring them a greater sense of worth, value and a sense of meaning and purposefulness.
In most cases, that means that they must 1] identify the negative thoughts and fears that have detoured their previous efforts, and 2] set up reasonable goals with specific behavioral steps that can show them that they CAN, in fact, achieve, grow and flourish.
If they just give themselves the chance to face their fears in palatable bites, then after frequent and consistent exposure to those fears, they can desensitize, neutralize or become numb to those fears. Once they see that they can face the anxiety that comes with taking steps and making changes, they will realize that they can survive and thrive. A momentum develops, that if nurtured by a healthy support system, can lead them to their personal goals and a change in how they perceive themselves. This process is exciting to watch, and I admit, is very fulfilling for me.
However, I also look around and see desensitization working in reverse. We are exposed to things in advertising, politics and day to day life where lies and fabrications, or at best stretching of the truth becomes common-place. After repeated exposure, we may become numb to the lies and deceit, and just hear what we want to hear.
An alarming number of good people in our society have become weakened by the barrage of deceitful, manipulative games and controlling techniques at the hands of those with less conscience and selfish agendas. It is a sad thing to see the Dumbing Down of America, where so few have so much power over so many because we have become so comfortable, so desensitized to the way it has become. In an increasing number of situations, even if we are aware of the loss of morality, ethics, and our growing dependence on others, on corporations, even our government and political parties, we say or do nothing. Many have come to enjoy the freedoms and opportunities in our society, but have lost the fire in the belly to speak up, fight for that independence, and work hard for what they want. And sadly, a growing number have come to feel entitled.
Maybe we have all become more adapting and lazy people, so as a result, we are lambs whose minds can easily be taken over and led by those who would control and manipulate for their own gains.
We have become so used to life as it has been, that we cannot imagine, nor even consider what it takes to maintain and nurture those freedoms. With the exception of those who have fought our wars, gone through the Great Depression, or survived the Holocaust, how would we know what it is like to be without freedom and independence ?. Oh, we hear of suffering in other countries with dictators and sociopathic leaders, but we do not see what we can become without vigilance and action.
Dependence breeds weakness. A sense of entitlement leads to a point at which a person feels less worth and value, or pride in their achievements. Then, what comes next ? I fear more and more people will become angry with themselves as their personal pride diminishes, but they may blame others for their plight. Without the pride of personal achievement, self-esteem atrophies, and one’s moral and ethical fiber weakens. This is not a pretty picture !
Just a Thought !
Gene Benedetto, Psychologist
Benhaven Counseling
Blog: RuledByFear.com
On-Line Support Group: OneStepataTime.com
www.Facebook.com/groups/RuledByFear
