When Fear Rules !

“ Coach, I was thinking about the vitamins, or whatever it is that daddy gives me at night. I don’t like them. I never had a problem sleeping and I have the perfect diet. And besides, if it is a vitamin, why would I take it at night ? Wouldn’t I take that in the morning ? And it makes me so dopy, if I get out of bed I can’t walk straight. I sometimes pee myself a little bit before I can get to the bathroom. So when daddy gave me my pill last night, I did not swallow it and hid it under my tongue and then under my pillow.  I still had the same weird dream. Coach, this is going to sound weird and crazy, but the dream was always the same. Someone was lying next to me and putting their hands all over me, just touching my body. No sex, just touching and rubbing lightly. You are going to think I am a bad person for saying this, but I always enjoyed the dream, it felt good. I hoped it would come again. I am glad I cannot see your face, I must sound like what daddy calls a slut. 

Please don’t think I am some bad person for enjoying this dream. I should not have shared it. I cannot believe I said any of this. I have never been with a guy on a date and certainly have not had sex. Say something ! Please say something !”

“ Meagan, this is normal. I do not think there is anything wrong with having this kind a dream or liking it. Normal, normal, normal. But is there more that you want to tell me ?”

“Ok Coach, this is the really weird part of the dream. This time, without the vitamin,  I woke up during the dream and my daddy was kneeling next to my bed. He seemed very surprised that I woke up and said that he heard me crying and came into my room to see if I was alright. I told him I was just having a bad dream and that I was going to try to fall asleep again. He asked if I wanted another pill. I said no. So he left. What do you think Coach? ”

What do I think !!! My God, is this child of nineteen that naive ?

“ I do not think you need to take any pills except when ordered  by your doctor. I do think if you took the pill you hid and looked it up on the internet  you might very well find out that it is not a vitamin but a sedative. I think you might  consider telling your father you are not taking them. Up to you, you are an adult now !”

“Coach, you think my daddy is purposely giving me something to make me sleep, not a vitamin ?”

“I would again suggest you not take anything, pills, food or drink, before bed. Meagan, if you have any doubts, follow your thoughts and what YOU know is right !”

I think “daddy” is molesting Meagan. This will freak her out ! I think she knows, but is far from being prepared to face that reality. Who would be ?  I think she is too fragile to deal with this. Just have to convince her to go to therapy with  a female therapist. I have researched therapists offered by her University and her father would not know about it. I think something is about to explode…and that would be me !

“ Coach, { she is sobbing and trying to catch her breath}, I was raped.” 

I can tell she is gagging and choking. My immediate thought was that her father raped her ! I should have moved faster !But what could I have done, without scaring her away ? 

“ Coach, I am so stupid. I walked behind the dorms to {sobbing and almost incoherent } to take a short cut, to meet my daddy cause I was late. ”

“ Please breathe Meagan !”

“ These four black guys surrounded me  and they did horrible things to my body. I am bleeding. Where is all this blood coming from ? Daddy is going to be so angry with me.  Oh God, , I am covered with sperm. Coach, I  have their sperm all over my face and breasts. Daddy will kill me. Oh my God !  Blood is running down my legs. I want to die ! God, I want to die before daddy sees me !” 

Not that I am surprised, but she almost seems more concerned about what her daddy will say than about the rape ! 

“ Meagan, I am so sorry this happened to you. Is there anyone there to help you ?”

“ Coach, it hurts so bad !  A campus policeman is here and…and he called my daddy. { I think she is hyperventilating } I want…I want to disappear and die, he will kill me. It is my fault for taking the short cut…Oh my God!”

“Meagan, tell your father to take you to the ER, they will do a rape test and collect the sperm so we have evidence. They will clean you up after they do some  tests and make sure you are OK. You will be alright. This is a horrible thing that is happening to you, but you will be OK. This does not make you a bad person. You really did nothing wrong. You are a victim, and I am so sorry you are going through this.”

{ She is still sobbing and scared to death}

“Meagan, later,  when you get back from the doctor, please call or send me a private chat message. I want to know you are OK. This is not your fault. Hear my words, this is NOT YOUR FAULT. I will have the private chat open all night for you or you can call my cell anytime. ”

“ Gotta go, daddy is here and I can tell he is so angry with me. He will beat me so bad for letting this happen !”

The phone went dead !

A few days had passed since  the rape. I was very anxious but wary of what I would hear and the effect on the precious small amount of progress Meagan had made. I was wracking my brain thinking of how I could help her. I do not think she will survive this, not without loving parents, and they both have emotionally abandoned her. Now is the time for face-to -face therapy, preferably with a female therapist.

It was three agonizing days before I heard from her. In my mind, I imagined she had been hospitalized and was being treated for her physical wounds and what had to be worse, her emotional state of mind, but I had an agonizing suspicion I was so wrong. Finally she called. 

“ Coach, can we talk, please ?”

I had to excuse myself from the client I was working with at the moment, but I knew the client would understand as she saw the tears that were already filling my eyes. and my voice was strained. I knew what I was going to hear was not going to be pleasant, as it took so long for her to find her words and her voice sounded weak. 

“Meagan, it has been days. But I thought maybe you had been admitted into the hospital as a result of what you went through.”

“ No Coach. He picked me up and was so angry. I have never seen him as mad as this. He was spitting on me as he yelled. I got into his car, he didn’t even help me. I could hardly walk and I was trembling so bad, I felt like I was going to pass out. He handed the campus policeman some cash and said something to him about understanding what to do. The guy nodded and we drove off. I don’t know what that meant. Then daddy said, I  had spoiled everything he have planned for me. I was  now ‘damaged goods’. No one will want me after this. All his plans for me  will have to change. How could I let this happen ?

I begged him to forgive me.  So sorry daddy !  I am so sorry…. daddy, are you taking me to Dr. Summers or to the emergency room  ? 

Daddy stared at me as if he was looking right through me and screamed ! He was like the devil, and his voice , I never heard that voice before.”

 “ Why the fuck  would I do that ? I do not want anyone to know what you did, what you allowed to happen. Do not tell anyone ! Not your mother or anyone else including your Coach. You were raped by four guys, and you probably asked for it ! You are damaged goods now,  and everything has changed. Damn you ! All that I have done for you, gone to hell !”

“ What if I get pregnant or have some  disease, what if I am bleeding inside ?”

“ If you are pregnant I will arrange for an abortion. I will have no part in raising your bastard child. If you get some disease from this thing you did, then you will have to live with it.  I will take you home and you will wash the stench off of you and then come out and clean up my car. We will talk about it more when I am ready.”

I had confirmation, sadly, Lucius is either a sociopath or psychopath, far more than a narcissistic or obsessive-compulsive personality. 

“ Coach, I have been praying that this is all just some bad dream. But this is…{ coughing and gagging}   my daddy, this is really happening ! I want to die !”

“Meagan, I am so sorry not only about the rape, but for your father’s behavior.  So he knows about me too, but I am not going to abandon you. Your father has shown his true colors, and they very dark. In my opinion, I think your father is a very sick and selfish man. We need to take steps to protect you. We need a support team. We need a counselor.  We will take it one step at a time and focus on you.  I know you are feeling overwhelmed, but, again, you are not alone.

You need to go to the Free Student Health Clinic at the school or to see your Primary Care Doctor on your own. I am advising you that we need to explore a family member for you to stay with. And Meagan, think about this as your chance to take control of  your life and you will make a good life, your own life. I will help you, I hope you believe and know that ! ”

“Coach, you still want to work with me ? Why ? I am damaged goods ! ” 

“No Meagan, you are not damaged goods, that was just a horrible case of being sexually abused. That has nothing to do with your life and what you choose to do with it unless you choose for it to define you. I think your father’s reaction to this whole thing is all about him and his losing control of  his dream for you, actually his dream for himself, not your dream. 

This is just your father’s way of blaming, shaming and guilting you, of owning you and controlling you. It sounds as if he still wants to be controlling you.  You deserve NO punishment. No one should control and own another. 

Now please listen to me ! I will repeat the steps we need to take over and over because I know you are overwhelmed. 

But I truly believe that often the most special people in this world are people who go through things like this and they can become stronger and help other people. They have a goal and purpose in life born out of something tragic they went through, that they learn from and can teach others from what they have experienced. This can be your new beginning. You would be such a  good teacher, support person, or doctor, counselor or an attorney for victims of abuse. ”

“Coach,  thank you. Need to sleep right now if I can. Coach, you think I can be strong  enough to do this ?”

“ Yes  Meagan ! New Beginnings,  Meagan. You trusted him because he was your father and you were dependent on him since twelve years of age. I know you are going through a lot of emotional pain right now, but pain is often necessary to change the direction of our life. You are in shock after what you have been through and facing the reality that your father is not the person you thought he was. Meagan, this will sound like a strange question, but did you ever go sailing ? ”

“ Well, yes at a vacation place we would go to during the Summers at the lake when I was younger. I loved it. So peaceful ! I would love to feel that again. I would stand by the mast and let the wind blow all over me. ”

“ Well Meagan, this is my favorite memory of sailing. What I learned was that you cannot change the direction of the wind or what happens to you at one given moment in time, but you can adjust your sails and win the race, get to your destination, do great things with your life.  Think about it. You trusted your father because that is what we all expect of our parents, but now you know he is not who you thought he was. That is not your fault ! 

By the way,  I named my sailboat Destiny ! And you are still in control of yours !”

“Coach, I don’t feel strong. I feel numb ! I will no longer call him daddy, he is just Lucius. I know it sounds mean, but he has lied to me from the beginning, for forever. ”

“Get some sleep Meagan and think where you can stay and be safe. I will be with you throughout this journey, and we will build a support group of people we can trust to help us get through this together !  Call me after you have rested. ” 

I received the following written at 3 A.M. and sent by e-mail, read by me at 9 A.M.

“Dear Mr. Coach,

“ Stay out of my daughter’s life. I have raised her mostly by myself and I know what is best for her. She is very gullible, so I make an effort to make her stronger. She is vulnerable, so I am training her to be tough and set strict boundaries when people like you come around and attempt to meddle. 

I take very good care of her and I will not put up with any interference from the likes of you.  I understand you are a Psychologist, but you will be nothing if you do not heed this warning. I am capable of destroying your career, do not be foolish enough to doubt that !

There is to be no communications between the two of you, and I will know if you are crossing our path in any way.”

 L. B.”

I decided  not to respond to this threat, at least not now. I felt angry,  and yes fearful ! Damn, do I really want to get involved in yet another intensely complicated case ?  After forty years, do I really need this ?  Then I thought, this is just MY FEAR TALKING, and I will not  let fear rule my life. 

He is not a psychopath, because he is making mistakes and taking chances. Writing a threatening note to me under his personal e-mail address is not a smart move. Psychopaths are usually too cunning and focused to take chances like this. Sociopaths, and yes, I think he is one at this point, are very scary to deal with in real life, but they are vulnerable. And a  3 A.M. e-mail tells me I am keeping him up nights, maybe drinking, but I am getting to him. He knows I am watching ! But that is not enough for him to control his urges and fulfill his need for control over Meagan. All we have on our side is that he will make more mistakes and that will be his downfall.

I promised Meagan I would be there for her, and if there is any hope that she will fight this battle with me, certainly I will be there.  I am also fueled by anger  and inner rage that anyone would attempt to control another through lies and  manipulation, even more one’s own child. I need to cool down. It makes me sick to think this happens so often, and I know that from my clients. This experience with Meagan is part of my life now !

Things could get much worse and I need to talk with her about family members who would take her in as I do not think, no, I know she is not safe.

I would have to convince her to enter into face to face therapy where she lives, maybe at the University and have that therapist be part her Support Team, but first, a safe place.

Early the next morning I received a call from Meagan. I felt emotionally drained for a minute, as I expected what I  was going to hear was nothing pleasant.

“Coach, why is this happening to me. Daddy came into my room during the night and tried to have sex with me. He rubbed his penis all over my stomach and chest. He exploded all over me. It was horrible, disgusting. I wanted to die ! Why did God let this happen ? I felt so dirty and ugly.  I crossed my legs and kept my mouth shut tight. Coach, he expected me to want him and kept saying that I was damaged goods so no one else will want me, but he will teach me all I need to know, he will bring me to “the pleasure I know you want.” God please, this is my daddy…no it is not. He is this ugly man Lucius. How could I not see this? How stupid have I been ?

I have taken three showers in hot water and used all the soap. I even used some lysol stuff  but I cannot get this feeling that his stuff is still on me. ”

“ Meagan, you are brave for not giving in to him. This proves what we have said. He is a very sick man.”

“Coach, I said nothing and didn’t move.  He got so angry that I would not open my mouth or spread my legs and he ran from my room. I think he expected me to like what he was doing.  I felt angry and scared but did not say a word. I heard him slam his bedroom door and then he was strapping my mother, so hard, over and over ! I have to get out of here but I don’t think there is anywhere safe. He will follow me. I could go Uncle  Larry and Aunt Ann’s. I think they will accept me. Would you please talk to them ? I will tell them about you.”

”Yes Meagan, you call them and then pack some things and keep them in your closet. Send me their contact information. I will talk to them this morning as soon as I can reach them. Are you ok with this? I have to tell them what is happening.”

“ Yes, he will never expect me to leave. He thinks I really want this !”

She is still in shock but she is not fighting me on going to stay with her Uncle and Aunt. We need to get her to a safe place and not be alone. 

“Meagan, first I need to ask you if you would consider pressing charges against your father for attempted rape ?”

“Oh my God no Coach, he would kill me for sure !”

“Meagan, I knew you would say that but I had to ask. I am not angry that you won’t. Please understand that. But I had to ask. I am going to call your Uncle and Aunt, and you are OK with me telling them what has happened and what we need from them, their support and protection. I want  to set some rules up  with them and I need your help,OK?

“Yes, what kind of rules.

“Well, that is up to you but I suggest …

1] No calls or visits from your father while you are living with your Uncle and Aunt unless you request  or approve.

If your father…”

“Coach, please don’t call him my father anymore. I do not have a father. I do not have my daddy. He is dead to me. He is no different from those guys who raped me at school. He is Lucius , a very sick and selfish man who  I was stupid enough to believe and trust !”

“I agree with you, except for the stupid part. You just loved your father and trusted him. He created a dependency of you on him. 

So then, 

2] If Lucius requests a visit or call , and if you agree, your Uncle or Aunt must be there. You must never be alone with Lucius !

Do you have any monies or Savings Accounts or Trusts ?”

“ I can’t  think …Coach, I forgot all about that money, but my grandpa set up a trust for me. I have, I think, $ 200,000 for my education and to start up a law practice or business. ”

“  Which grandpa ? ”

“ My mother’s father.”

Then 3] you must have full control and  use of that money without Lucius’ interference or we will press charges.” 

“ Coach, no money is going to wash away this stench I feel.  I keep seeing his stuff all over my body, I can smell it still.  I have been so stupid ! ”

“ You need to be strong Meagan, but it is a huge plus that your grandpa set up that account for you. !  You can focus on the hurt you feel which is immense or realize you have the opportunity to discover what YOU want to do with yourblife now. I know it will seem ovrwhelming at times, but you need to practice saying “ One Step at a Time !”

4] Lucius will not interfere with your choices for your education or career

and 5] Lucius will not verbally threaten or physically touch you. 

And Meagan, there is a number 6, that you will enter therapy, while I am still your Coach, and he must not interfere with that therapy !”

“Do you agree Meagan ? ”

“ Yes Coach, but Lucius will not agree. !”

“Then you can press charges. You and I and your Uncle and Aunt, we can be part of your Support Team. And you will have a counselor who can offer support as another team member. Just let me know how things are going. We need to continue our private chats or calls each week, at least.”

“Coach, thank you so much for helping me. I appreciate it, but what if my father doesn’t obey the rules and  tries to harm my Aunt and Uncle for helping me ?”

“ We will deal with whatever happens ! Meagan, we have another option. We have great Universities in Ohio ! You are an adult now. YOU CAN COME HERE ! So keep that thought in the back of your mind.”

“Hello Larry, this is Coach. I think Meagan called  you this morning. Do you have a moment to talk and I would like your wife on this call also? I know this is strange to get such a call  and you don’t know me but…”

“ Hello Coach. Not to worry ! This is Larry and my wife Ann is on the line too. Yes, Meagan called and told us about you and that she needed to come stay with us. She gave us your website to look up so we know who you are and we want to thank you for helping our dear Meagan. Please tell us what we need to do to help Meagan. My wife Ann and I will do anything !”

“ Well, in a few words, we need for you to help protect Meagan from her father Lucius. She is an adult now, but not really. She cannot do this by herself. Her father, in my opinion, is a very controlling and sadly a sick man. Meagan was raped on her school campus last week, and instead of taking her to the ER or her physician’s office, he blamed her and he took her home to fend for herself. He abandoned her emotionally and blamed her for the rape. Then he attempted to rape her himself, because she was ‘damaged goods !”

“ Oh, wait a sec ! That is hard to imagine, I mean my brother has his issues, but loves her to death. Lucius can be a mean and controlling person, has been all his life. But to harm Meagan  !”

I expected more of a reaction to the fact that Meagan was raped while at the University. They did not ask questions or request details. Makes me wonder what experiences they have had with Lucius’s behavior in the past. Maybe not the best choice for Support. But, time is not on Meagan’s side and I need a home for  her right now. She cannot be alone.”

“ Coach, this is  her Aunt Ann. I wish we had been closer, but I know this has to be devastating for her. Poor dear Meagan. She is so fragile. She certainly can stay with us. It is beyond me that any father would rape his own child, but Lucius, well he thinks differently about a lot of things. And he doesn’t seem to have a conscience. She is a sweet girl. We will do whatever you request. We do not have a lot of contact with Lucius since he can be very difficult to  deal with, so we don’t see Meagan often enough. He always knows best and does what he wants.”

Larry interrupted his wife, “ Enough said Ann, let the Coach tell us what we need to do.”

Larry cutting off his wife bothered me, but I don’t have many options tight now.

I am suspicious that they are not more  surprised, even disgusted and overwhelmed at the information I am sharing with them at all. Maybe they have expected this to happen and know they need to do damage control so it doesn’t happen again. Maybe they are protecting themselves because Lucius has something he knows about them that would be damaging and so they are concerned about becoming targets for Lucius. Maybe they are just desensitized to Lucius’ decadent behavior. Maybe, as much as they want to do the right thing, they are being ruled by their own fears !

“That’s true Coach, as Ann said, we do not socialize with the family. Since Meagan’s mother has become somewhat of a recluse, we only see them at Holidays.”

“Well, Larry and Ann, you along with me will be Meagan’s Support Team, and she will need it ! But we have to set some rules and I want to know if you can deal with them.”

“ I am Lucius’s big brother, I can handle him. “

“ Alright, but this is not going to be easy for the two of you. Meagan needs your full support, our full support. “

They agreed to the rules that I set up with Meagan, but that does not mean they will enforce them !

“If he breaks the rules we must support Meagan in pressing charges against Lucius for rape, as her collective Support Team.

Are the two of you still on board ? ”

“ We are Coach. We can do this for Meagan. You sound like you have doubts Coach !”

“ Well Larry, I am experienced in dealing with controlling, manipulative and sociopathic personalities and their victims. I believe that Lucius has all the earmarks of a sociopath. I need the two of  you to know what you are dealing with. I need  to know that you will be able to stand up to the evil that sits in Lucius’ heart and mind. We must be strong together and support each other and communicate when we feel any dirty tricks are being exposed. Lucius has the ability to turn things around on people with a conscience. He is most likely very skilled blaming, shaming and guilting his victims.”

“We are still on board Coach. We  will call Meagan and make arrangements to move her in with us before her father comes home from work.” 

“ Ok, let’s do it Larry. Call or text me anytime to let me know how it is going.?”

“Sure will Coach, and I will notify Lucius of what we have done and the rules once Meagan is safe at our place.”

I am thinking. these are good people, but they are no match for Lucius or they may already be his victims. Need a Plan  B…find another willing family member to take her in or move her to Ohio where we can create a safe and secure place for her. 

There was no initial reaction from Lucius to Meagan moving into his brother’s home, which would be very strange if we were not dealing with a sociopath. I felt he was just taking his time to plot and plan his next move and strategy. That is what sociopaths do !

Meagan was still very anxious at what her daddy’s next move would be, but kept herself busy making up the school work she had missed due to the chaos of the past few weeks. She had a private bedroom on the first floor, which was spacious and very comfortable as it was meant to be the master bedroom. Larry and Ann’s bedroom was on the second floor along with a third bedroom and full bath. I understood that their daughter was epileptic and they wanted their bedroom close to hers so they could help her if she had a seizure. The daughter was married now and moved away, but they never moved back into the master bedroom. Meagan was getting along well with her aunt and uncle, but no questions were asked by them about the rapes or any of the issues with Lucius. They tended to be avoiders of stress. I wish I would have known that, but there were no other choices open as far as I knew from Meagan as to places she might feel safe. I am trying to convince Meagan to go to therapy to resolve many of her issues with her father, especially now that he had used her rape on campus as an excuse for something he always had in his mind, incest ! He would have control of her, complete control, and in his warped mind, he could justify his truly irrational and sick thinking.

Then the first contact was made by Lucius to Larry. Larry explained the Rules which Lucius would have to abide by if he wanted to see Meagan. They never discussed the Campus rape and subsequent attempt at rape by Lucius of  his own precious daughter, just the rules of engagement. Lucius, matter of factly said he would be happy to pay for Meagan to see a Psychologist to work on her issues. In fact, he had taken the step to set up an initial appointment and gave Larry the details. Of course, I had serious  doubts about this and felt it was part of some diabolical plan of having control of her therapy.

Larry then went to Meagan and shared the news. She was reluctant to respond because she knew somehow anything Lucius was involved with led to chaos, but not having an excuse to not go and knowing she had to please her Coach as far as seeing a therapist, she agreed.

“Coach, I have my first appointment with a Psychologist that Lucius set up for me. I am very skeptical because he set it up, but I figure he will deny anything I say he has done anyway, so why not go for myself, and to please you.”

“Meagan, I share your cautiousness about anything Lucius sets up, but maybe in his sick mind he is trying to look good. I was giving you a few days to settle in before I pressed you on starting therapy. I would prefer you setting up your own appointment with a therapist who works for the University Counseling Service because they most frequently deal with many of the issues people your age have experienced. So if you do not want to see the Psychologist that Lucius set up for you, you do not have to see her, and can set up your own therapy.  If you decide to see this Psychologist and you do not click, you don’t  feel comfortable with her, you do not have to go back.”

My thoughts: Lucius would not set up and pay for therapy without a game plan that is in his favor. If he really wanted help for Meagan, he would have done something immediately after the rape at school. What is this devious mind up to ?

“Coach, I had my first appointment with ‘Red’.”

“Red, Meagan !”

“Yes, Coach, her name is Dr. Olivia, she is a Psychologist with flaming red hair and had her License framed and hanging on the wall, and a copy framed on her desk ! She sure likes you to know how important she is. 

“ How did it go Meagan ?” 

“ It was overwhelming, and I got so choked up when she asked what I was there for that I could not talk, the words just would not come out. My mouth got so dry and and my throat …I just could not swallow. I was embarrassed. She showed no emotion and just kept taking notes and after twenty minutes asked me to return at the same time next week. I am sorry Coach.  I failed !”

“Meagan, no problem. That happens to clients who are holding in so much emotional conflict. I can’t imagine why she would have just dismissed you without saying more, or giving you more time to calm yourself or do some relaxation exercises with you to break the ice  and calm you down !”

“ I really screwed it up. She must think I am crazy. That would happen often when Lucius would say something to me that I disagreed with or upset me, and I would just freeze.”

“Just go back if you wish, and remember, you need to feel comfortable with this therapist.”

As  a therapist we learn many ways to get our clients relaxed enough that we can get past first session jitters. Why didn’t ‘Red’ work to relax Meagan ?

Meagan kept busy for the next week making her room comfortable and catching up with her assignments. She came to Group, but was quiet. I gave her some space. I expect Lucius will never give up his battle for control of Meagan. I just do not know how strong our Support Team is at this time since it consists of the on-line group, Larry and Ann,  me, and hopefully her new therapist, Red. I keep thinking that Larry and Ann will fold under increased pressure from Lucius unless they are willing, along with Meagan, to take it all the way and abide by the Rules we set up.

The next day I got a note from Meagan that her appointment with Red was rescheduled for the next day. I do not have a good feeling !  

As soon as the second appointment was over, Meagan contacted me.

“ Coach, don’t make me go back to see Red. I went to her office today, and she was friendlier. I still cried and sobbed like a baby, but was able to tell her about the rape at school, Then I told her about Lucius coming into my room and trying to force sex on me. First she insisted I call Lucius my father, I was being disrespectful otherwise. Then she said I was hysterical and confused and was most likely imagining my father abusing me because of the trauma of being raped by the boys. I could not believe what she was saying, and I screamed at her, and started crying harder. I could not stop ! She picked up the phone and was talking to someone, and then my father walked in. Red said it was best for me to go home and rest and she would set up another appointment to deal with my post traumatic stress disorder, whatever that is. I would not let daddy, I mean Lucius, take me home even though he said he would take me back to Uncle Larry’s. So he called Larry to pick me up, without arguing with me.  He is evil ! Red is taking his side without knowing me and all that has happened.”

“ Meagan, I want to hear everything he said, so breathe, and take your time. ”

“While I was waiting for Uncle Larry,  Lucius said he  was talking to my best friend,  well my only friend Kathy, and she was struggling financially because her parents cannot afford much. So he is taking her this afternoon to buy her a car. And then he told me that I was not going to win with this little game I am playing with my Coach, Uncle Larry and Aunt Ann. “ You will be home with me soon. I miss you and want you ! “ Then he went back in to talk to Red.”

Lucius os playing the divide and conquer game, causing Meagan to feel isolated, weakening her resolve to stand up for herself !

“ Coach, I hate him. He is evil ! I was so blind. I know what he did to me, not just with his trying to rape me, but for all those years. I have so many memories of things he would say or do that made feel there was something wrong with what he was saying, but then I put those thoughts out of my mind. I just thought I was crazy for thinking those things. And, sometimes I was just scared of the looks he gave me. How could I be so stupid, stupid, stupid !”

“ Meagan, sorry that this happened. Maybe you were blind, but now you see. I have to believe this was all part of the set-up by your father. He must have some control over Red, or bought her off. We will find out and deal both Red and your father. And the game he is playing by telling you that he is buying a car for your best friend is typical of a manipulative personality. He is trying to isolate you, separate you from any friends or support system you have  so you cannot fight against him. But you have me, and I will not back off. We will build an even stronger support system. Every time he plays his games, we need to collect the evidence and use it against him. He feels untouchable but that is only because no one understands his games and tactics, or is just plain scared. Stick with me and we will build a Support System and evidence that eventually will take your father down a notch or two so he cannot harm you. I would suggest you call the Counseling Service at your school and set yourself up an appointment with a female therapist. Please do this. We are not going to let Lucius win. In fact he already lost !”

“ Coach, how did he lose ? “

“ Meagan, he lost you and that will eat away at him at night when his manipulative mind is not running full speed. He is left with a wife who has no love for him either !”

“Coach, I will call the Counseling Center if you say so, but what if no one believes me ?”

“ I believe you Meagan ! And a good therapist will too !”

“Please, just do it Meagan and let me know when the appointment is set. I will attempt to call the therapist when you let me know who it is and when your appointment is set up. You must focus on the fact that you are developing a plan of  your own, career choices and a life. You are not as dependent on Lucius as you thought because you are a smart young lady who has many good choices. You have seed money from your Grandpa. Hopefully it works out with your Uncle and Aunt. If not, there are options. I mentioned Ohio, and I was serious. We have Kent State University, Akron University, Case Western Reserve, Baldwin Wallace, and John Carroll to mention a few.”

After all that has happened I had little desire to call Larry or Ann. The thought kept running through my mind that this was not truly a supportive home Meagan and that her Uncle and Aunt were not emotionally tuned in to what Meagan had been through. They were in denial because of their fears. But, I placed a call later to Larry to let him know what was happening with the Counseling. He seemed disappointed to hear that it went poorly and reported noticing that Meagan seemed down after he picked her up but did not ask any questions. I thought, you Larry, did not ask any questions ? Why not ? 

“ Larry, I am sure this was a set-up. I am not sure how to find out what connection there is between Lucius and Red, but there is, I can feel Lucius’ manipulation at work. “How could he turn “Red” into his puppet ?”

 Larry’s response was, “We were so pleased she was going  and that Lucius helped set it up.”

“ Well Larry, that is just it, it was a set-up. Do you hear me ? You cannot trust your brother with anything. He is a schemer without a conscience Larry, let me know how Meagan is reacting. I have to persuade her to go see someone else, without Lucius knowing.”

The next day…

“ Coach, I have an appointment tomorrow with a Counselor named Mary. You said you wanted to talk with her. She is at the University Counseling Center. Please let me know what you think, but I am going only because you asked me to. I am not trusting anyone right now…except maybe you.”

“ I am surprised you trust even me Meagan, but thank you !”

I made three attempts to contact this Counselor, and finally I got a call back from Mary. 

“ This is Mary from the University Counseling Center.  I believe you requested to talk to me about a potential client of mine. Please understand I cannot talk to you about a client  without that clients written permission.”

I introduced myself and requested that she look up my Bio on my website.  I gave her a few minutes to do so.

“ Mary, I certainly understand the confidentiality issues, and Meagan is not my client, but I am Coaching her. She is desperately needing a female counselor that she can trust right now. It is a situation of vital significance. I  have an On-Line Support Group where I offer aftercare to my clients so they continue working on issues and practice what they learned in their therapy with me. Once in a while , someone who is not a client stumbles upon the web site.  I offer to Coach these individuals at no charge with the express purpose of supporting them finding a therapist in their area. Meagan is one I coach. 

Meagan is seeing you today I think. I will make this as short as I can, but you need to know that Meagan is very reluctant to see you because her first therapist, a psychologist, blew her off and said she was making the story up. I have strong suspicions that her  father had a hand in this.  I am investigating this situation and so far have indication that Meagan’s father may have been  black-mailing her.

However, if Meagan feels comfortable with you, she will give you details. 

If you wish to confer with me, send the necessary forms to my office at the enclosed address.  Thank you for seeing this client. ”

Mary responded cautiously , “ Of course I will see her and listen to her. I most likely will not make contact with you, as that is frowned upon by this agency. But rest assured, I will offer her professional service and care.”

Three days later I did receive the forms to sign for the exchange of information signed by Mary. So, I presume she thought Meagan was telling the truth and this was not some scam.

After her first appointment with Mary, Meagan contacted me. “ Coach, I met with Mary and I liked her. She listened and rescheduled me for another appointment. I was a cry-baby, but she even had tears in her eyes while I told her what had happened. She even did some meditation with me to relax me.”

“ Meagan, great to hear ! Let me know how your sessions progress, please. ”

“ I am trying to be hopeful Coach.”

After her next session with Mary, Meagan again followed up with me.

“ Coach, I think Mary believes me. I think she had tears in her eyes again when I was telling her some things that my  daddy, I mean Lucius, said about my being damaged goods. She sounds like you !  I did not think anyone but you would believe me ! ”

“ Meagan, I pray that she can be part of our Support Team.”

 I sent a note to Larry.

“ Larry, Meagan has had two sessions with her new counselor, and she feels she likes her and more importantly, that she believes her ! Hopefully this will lift Meagan’s spirits. Let me know what ups and downs you see emotionally with Meagan over the next couple of days.”

“ Coach, sure will !  I am hopeful for our dear Meagan.”

“ Larry, anything from Lucius ?”

“No Coach, not a word !”

“ That concerns me, but whatever. He has to be plotting and planning so be on your guard. Remember, the primary goal is to protect Meagan !”

I received a short note from Mary, which surprised me as I thought she was closed to the idea of communicating.

“ Meagan says she calls you Coach, so if you don’t mind, I will do the same. I just wanted you to know that Meagan and I are working through things. She is sharing  so much. The sessions are very emotional for her, and I have to say, me too.  It is hard to believe she was so naive.  But I wanted you to know I am pleased that you referred her to me. ”

My return note to Mary…

“ Mary, I go by Coach with Meagan so that is fine. Thank you for working with Meagan. She is very naive, has much to learn. Wonderful young lady.  I needed someone I could trust  to help me provide for her. You are a life-saver, more than you realize.”

I am excited that Meagan has felt so free to share with Mary and that Mary seems to be handling her so well. I feel some burden lifted having someone else watching over her. But I am still not feeling I can trust Larry and Ann that much. Not that they would purposely do anything to harm Meagan, but she remains so fragile, and I do not know these two family members well enough to sense their realization of the degree of Lucius’ evilness and skills of deception. I continue to feel that they underestimate how sick Lucius is, and what he is capable of doing to silence anyone who gets in his way.

Later that evening I received a disturbing call from Meagan’s Uncle Larry that left me feeling both frustrated and angered.

“ Coach, Larry here. Wanted you to know that Meagan seems to be doing well. She came back from her session with her counselor with a slight smile on her face.  Almost looked like the old Meagan ! Ann noticed it also, so we are very hopeful ! Lucius called and  asked how his dear daughter was doing. I expected him to fight her staying here but he seems to have accepted it. Don’t worry, I did not tell Meagan he called and I did not allow him to pester her.  He seemed surprised that she was enjoying her new counselor and…”

“ Larry, hold on ! You told Lucius that Meagan had a new counselor ? Why would you do that ? We discussed that the first therapist was a set-up by Lucius. I am sorry, but I think placing Meagan with you and Ann was a huge mistake. You just do not fathom your brother’s evilness !”

“ Slow down Coach, I know Lucius is bad news  at times, but he has a heart. He is my brother and I know him better that you. I can handle this, not to worry !”

I backed down because, honestly, I was angry and frustrated. I did not have another safer place for Meagan at this moment. I am still hoping to convince her to come to Ohio ! 

“ Larry, I am sorry, don’t mean to offend. But I think the whole family is naive or fearful of believing that Lucius is as wicked as he is. Do you think Meagan was making up this stuff about her father hovering over her and trying to have sex with her ?  Do you really not believe from all you know of Lucius that he is capable of such things, or is it that you do not want to deal with the truth and you wish for all of this to go away ? Lucius has no heart ! Remember, she was raped on Campus and he refused to take her to check her out for any damage, disease or pregnancy. He paid off the guard to not report the rape. He called her damaged goods and that she would not be wanted by anyone else. Does that show you that he has a heart ?”

“ Jesus, God, let up on me, {his voice is quivering now}. Maybe you are right, and just thinking you are makes me feel sick to my stomach. Could I be that naive and stupid ? I always admired Lucius for his business successes, but especially his confidence with the ladies. He has had many a younger woman do his bidding, and I am…yes, jealous of his sex life. Geez, I can’t believe I just said that ! I mean, I would never touch Meagan. But I always told myself that his daughter was special to him, and he would never harm her.”

I know I need to let-up on Larry. For one thing, he is my only option now. I am still hoping I can have her move to  Ohio where we can keep her safe, but then again, she is overwhelmed and although we seem to have built a good and safe professional relationship, how can she trust anyone to protect her at this point, and yet she is not strong enough on her own.

“Larry, this is what you wanted to believe. Your whole family has failed Meagan by turning a blind eye to the reality of this man’s personality. I say he is a sociopath, incapable of love. How much do you know about your brother’s sex life or his successes with women ? And I am going to take a shot at this and ask, what is your sex life with your wife like ? ”

I knew it was somewhat inappropriate to defer to his sex life, but I needed a measure of his own sexual frustrations to see how vulnerable he might be to Lucius’s mental games.  Little did I truly expect Larry to emotionally erupt with what he did, to be honest with me on these issues. But he was and it was very troubling for me to hear as I was entrusting Meagan to his care and protection. My intent was  not to offer counseling to Larry, but protect Meagan. But I could feel his pain nonetheless.

“ Coach, { he was openly tearful at this point} what sex life ? Ann has put on weight so she is not feeling comfortable with her body so sex is almost non-existent. And it was never fulfilling anyway. I have been jealous of Lucius since we were kids. He could perform, you know do sex with any girl when we were in high school. I had no confidence and could not get an erection except in my dreams and I was the older brother. I have said too  much. But, damn it,  for my graduation from High School my father  hired a prostitute for me and Lucius to share while he watched.”

That point alone explained so much. Lucius and Larry’s father hired a prostitute as a gift for Larry’s graduation. What kind of parent would do that ?

“ So how did that go Larry ?”

“ There she was, butt naked and I could not do anything, so Lucius laughed at me and said he would show me how it is done by a real man. When he was done with her, and he really did a job on her, my father was so angry with me that he told Lucius …..he made Lucius sodomize me …you know, anal sex. It hurt so bad that I cried and screamed which just brought on more criticism from my father. I  hated them for doing that but was jealous and it really hurt that my dad saw  Lucius as a hero and me as weak.”

“Larry, you have been holding on to that for all these years. “

“ Yes Coach, I guess I have.  I know Lucius has a bad side but I never wanted to see him as evil because in some ways I wanted to be like him. Sounds very sick when I say it out loud. I wanted to be admired by my dad, and Lucius. I wanted to be successful like them. Never got it from dad. Guess I am still trying with Lucius.”

“ Larry,  Lucius is not a happy man. He has taken steps to destroy his own daughter and he has no conscience. You, on the other hand, have a conscience. You don’t always listen to it, but you have it within you to do so. You should be in therapy Larry ! You need support to get through your issues and to deal with your relationship.” 

“ Can’t I just talk with you Coach ?”

“ No, Larry, I will listen but Meagan is my first priority and needs to be yours too, but you need to learn to deal with all these conflicting emotional issues. I would suggest one on one therapy for you Larry and then Couples counseling.”

A troubling thought came to me that when Meagan sent me the family picture and I noticed the look on Larry’s face as he looked fondly at Meagan. Then the look on Ann’s face as she noticed her husband’s staring at Meagan. I tried to put that thought out of my head as being very presumptuous of me from just an old photo. Now I am thinking, maybe the only thing holding Uncle Larry from being inappropriate with Meagan was his conscience and insecurities. Meagan does not stand a chance with weak and emotionally conflicted people like this around her. 

“ Coach, the other reason why I did not think Lucius would physically harm Meagan is that he has no lack of sex. He belongs to this high class, private Men Only Club and that place is known as a bisexual social club. He can get whatever he wants anytime he wants Coach, so why harm Meagan?”

“ Control and Power, Larry. That is what I believe Lucius lives for, not love. Sexual conquests are just one of his many ways to have power over people ! Meagan mentioned that as an attorney, he has never lost a case. While I expect that is an exaggeration, people like Lucius look for weaknesses in people or clients, and are known to use what they know to control them. I am looking into a few instances where we can prove he has done that so we can take action to shut this abuser down, but I need help from Meagan’s Support Group to do this, that means you and Ann, her counselors, and anyone else I can find that has been one of his victims. You have just given me more facts to check out as to Lucius’ game plan, so thank you.”

“ And so he has had control and power over me, Coach ?”

“ That remains to be seen, but I think he has in the past. Time to change all that ! “

So Larry,  no more revealing things to Lucius, right !!! And remember our rules or I will have to find another place for Meagan  to stay.”

“ I hope there is no harm done Coach. I am so sorry. I am as naive as Meagan.”

“ You can change that Larry. You have  a conscience and a soul, Lucius does not !”

“ Coach, it’s Mary.  I just had another session with Meagan. She is really being very open with me, but is still very fragile. I feel she is being honest with me regarding her father, but has become so dependent on him, so vulnerable to his games, that I have my doubts as to whether she can really survive in the real world. She refuses to press charges for attempted rape by her father, so my hands are tied there. With her mother seemingly so damaged by her relationship with Meagan’ s father, and the degree to which Meagan has been isolated from any other support system, I sadly have my doubts. He calls her damaged goods because of the campus rape, but he has done such damage by nursing her dependency on him.  I have my doubts as to whether she has the inner strength to truly escape her father’s grasp. I have not had experience with this type of sociopathy or to this degree of manipulation. He seems to have no limits or boundaries, yes, as you have said, no conscience…at all ! “

“ Mary, it is an eye opener for many that people like this do live among us, especially that they may be a parent. And I can appreciate your doubts. My hopes were to eventually get her strong enough that she will be willing to move with family that are far enough away and strong enough to portray a more healthy home, but thus far, it seems as though any healthy family members moved away to escape Lucius as they saw something uncomfortable going on in the family and did not want to be a part of it. But I am still searching for options.”

“ Well, Coach. at least you have her out of the house and with her Uncle and Aunt, that has to offer some support !”

“ I am not sure what degree they can be supportive. I am finding that the more I talk to them, the more they are fearful and somewhat paralyzed in any of their dealings with Lucius. They did not disclose issues or serious concerns when we first talked and I did not have the luxury of a lot of choices at the time.”

“ Coach, I have to go, my boss is at my door and wants to see me. I just had to tell you that she is trying, comes for appointments and shares but I still have my doubts.”

Damn, I need Mary on board with me. It is not a strong enough support system to challenge Lucius yet, but Mary appears to be someone I can trust if I can get on board. Within twenty minutes Mary called me again…

“ Mr. Julius, my boss,  just came in and fired me for not keeping up with my Electronic Records for Meagan and not having signed permission to talk with you in relationship to her. I am in shock, just stood there and broke into a sweat, got very light-headed. Thought I was going to pass out. But then said that I had all my notes regarding Meagan  recorded into our Electronic Health Records  and had the permission form signed  and imported into the Records and had a copy in my personal file. I told him I just had a session with her this morning and finished her note and signed it. He would not listen to anything I said, but was sweating really bad. But when he said  he was going to talk to the Counseling Board to see if they will suspend my  Counseling License, I could not say a word. This is my career, my life. I love this work and I am good at it !  I weakened and showed some tears, as he said to clean out  my desk, that my clients would be transferred to other therapists. I am numb, and scared.  I know that Meagan’s father had everything to do with this.”

“ Mary, please go check your records ! If you can, call me back please  !

“ Wait, I am doing that right now. My other clients are there but Meagan’s records are not. They are totally erased. And my personal file on her is gone to !”

“ Think Mary,  who can erase records from the Electronic Records once that record is signed by the therapist ? “

“ Well…..I can’t even totally erase  a record and signed note on a client. It leaves a permanent footprint which says this file has been deleted with a date stamp. “

“ Who would potentially be able to “totally delete” a file , Mary.”

“ Only the Administrator has access to my electronic files. Oh my God, Mr. Julius, who hides in his office all day, doesn’t say more than five words a day to any of us, he deleted all of Meagan’s files, blamed me and just fired me. ”

“ And why would he do that Mary ?”

“ To get rid of me, he does not need a reason to fire me. Or, Coach, if he was forced to do it by someone like Meagan’s father. Getting me fired means that Lucius has won again, he controls Meagan’s therapy again ! I cannot deal with this ugliness Coach. I am going home for Thanksgiving. I have to think about my next step. My next step ? I was just fired from my first counselor job and if I lose my license, I’m screwed !!! “

“ Don’t be so sure of that Mary ! I am really sorry you are going through this and I feel some responsibility.  I have been gathering info to stop Lucius, and I could use someone like you on my team. In the meantime, you might want to look at options, seriously.

First, you could march right back in there and  tell your boss you want to have this investigated because only he can “totally delete” a record. He may fire you for any reason, and you would not want to work for such a boss anyway. But, he could lose his job and license if he tampered with Meagan’s records and tries to fire you for that. And tell him he can do what he wants, but if he attempts to take your license, which I do not believe he can, you and I will file a law suite against him, the Counseling Department  and the University. We will expose him ! You, in the meantime, will submit your resignation, so that you can devote your time to uncovering what is really going on. I think he will break into a sweat  and have a panic attack.

Secondly, you can say you are investigating whether  Meagan’s father had anything to do with this firing and if so, that will bring the option of another, very significant level of law suite against him, the Department and the University. You and I KNOW Lucius is behind this.”

“Coach, you are right, I believe what you are saying, but I do not know if I can do this !”

 “ If you could go toe-to-toe with your boss, it will certainly put some fear in him and he will most likely do nothing to effect your license as long as you are gone. I would ask for a positive letter of recommendation.

Then you could look for another position elsewhere, and if you are willing to move to Ohio, I can promise you a position with my  practice. You would fit in very well, and it is a very friendly atmosphere. You would be very successful, I promise you.

All the while you could continue to work with Meagan, even over the phone, as she can afford to pay you and would want to continue.”

“ Coach, I don’t know if I want to deal with this. It has been an overwhelming day for me. Damn, what am I saying ? I have to stand up for myself and Meagan. Thank you for the suggestions, now I have to do it ! But I will keep you posted. And I appreciate the job offer, that gives me strength.“

“ Mary, could you still talk with Meagan by phone so she does not feel abandoned just saying you are taking a break to be with your family for personal reasons.?”

“  Coach, I will certainly do all I can ! I cannot abandon her because of my jerk of a boss and her sociopathic father. I could not look myself  in the mirror. And I am a good therapist.”

“ Mary, please stay in touch. You are a good therapist, I could use your services at my office, and on my team for Meagan. But before  we end this conversation, is there anything else you can tell me about your boss ?”

“ Sorry Coach, I don’t know him well and the staff keeps to themselves. I know know that he is a creep and a weak person. I guess the only thing I have heard is that he may be bi-sexual or gay, which is no crime in my book. And I heard the secretaries joking once about him being a member of this ‘Men Only Club’ downtown. So, no nothing much as he is a very private person mostly. ”

“ That is interesting ! I have been talking to Meagan’s Uncle where she is living now, and both Meagan and Uncle Larry mentioned that the only place that Lucius seems to go without Meagan when he is not at work is the Men Only Club downtown. Chew on that and give me your thoughts when you can take a breath. I think if we put pieces together among those who are offering support to Meagan, we can make a case. I smell a rat ! I am contacting an attorney I have consulted with other cases of abusive behavior towards my clients, but I would like an attorney that lives and works in Meagan’s area ! ”

“ Coach, that does make sense ! Let me get back to you later. I have to call my parents and tell them what has happened. Then I will go in to see my former boss and watch him sweat.”

It is critical that I do not not lose the best potential support person Meagan has at this time.  I understand Mary’s fears.  No one wants to confront a sociopath for fear of becoming another victim, or of being further targeted. But that is what makes them a potential victim, fear and avoidance ! I do not think I can trust Larry or Ann, so Mary is that much more critical.  I will stay with it, but what power do I have when I am so far away ? Only chance I have is to wait for  Lucius to feel so empowered that we are helpless, that he leaves a trail we can use against him.

“ Meagan, how are you doing ? I understand you have seen Mary a few times now, “

” Coach, I am really comfortable with her. At least I have the two of you who believe me ! She called me and is taking a vacation with her family in Florida for Thanksgiving,  so I won’t talk to her until she gets back. But Coach, I have another problem. My parents want to come to my Uncle and Aunt’s home tomorrow for Thanksgiving !

I  do not really want to see either one of them. It has been so peaceful without them around, but my Uncle said that they are the only family we have around and that Lucius knows the rules.  Uncle Larry said that I should stay close to him or Aunt Ann and they will protect me. They think he won’t try anything if I stay close to them. ”

“ Meagan,  my immediate reaction is hell no ! I do not trust Lucius or then again your mother. Your father, excuse me, Lucius has proven to you and me that he cannot be trusted. He is a very sick man. I do not understand how your Uncle and Aunt could even think of entertaining them with all that has happened. But in the end, it is up to you, your Aunt and Uncle.  I will talk to your Uncle about it though. I would rather you go to stay with a friend for the day.”

“ Coach, I would too, but I have no friends left that I can trust. Daddy, I mean Lucius, has made friends with the few friends I had, actually the one, and she does not call me back or seem to want anything to do with me anymore. ”

“ Meagan, I have told you before that your Lucius would try to separate you from anyone one who would be  a possible support  person, anyone who would believe you. Remember, you have me and Mary, and we know the truth. When we are done , many more will be on your side. You will not be alone !”

“Coach, maybe it is best that I stay here, since there is nowhere else I can think of to go. I will stay close to Uncle Larry. He is bigger than Lucius, so he can protect me.  Coach, how could I have been so blind for all these years ? I know we have talked about it over and over, but it is just so much !”

“You loved the person who you thought was your father, but not Lucius.  Sadly, there are many fake people out there who can take advantage of real caring and loving people. Just think about your capacity to love. I want you to focus on you, all that you can do with your life, all the good in you. Find something you love to do with your life to make a difference…and you will !  Then eventually you will meet people who appreciate you for who you are and what you do, instead  of pretending to care for some private agenda.

I will talk to your Uncle to ask him to help you keep a distance from Lucius.”

“Thank you Coach and Happy Thanksgiving ! I am thankful for having you and Mary in my life now.”

It gave me temporary relief  hearing that last response from Meagan, but I certainly did not think we were anywhere near a safe place with her especially while dealing with her sociopathic father.  Larry and Ann are trying their best, but fear rules their lives.

I did not tell Meagan about Mary being fired, that would just be too much for her to deal with and I am hoping Mary will decide to continue to counsel with Meagan, even if over the phone or computer. I was actually uncomfortably surprised that we had heard relatively little in the way of negative response from Lucius since Meagan moved out of the home and was living with Larry and Ann, but I knew there was more to come. I  felt Lucius was going underground to subvert our attempts to help his daughter. He had set up phony therapy with “Red” with very harmful results, and he had most likely pulled some stunt by either using some threat or blackmail to have Mary fired as her meetings with Meagan were successful.  He needed to eliminate any chance of his daughter being believed. I am looking for ways to expose Lucius but need more assistance and support. I do not trust that Larry or Ann are strong enough to deal with Lucius. 

I tried to call Larry and Ann about being especially on guard a few times, and finally reached Larry.

“ Larry, I am not feeling good about Lucius and Becky coming over for Thanksgiving….”

“ Coach, coach, coach….I have this covered. Meagan is to stay by my side or sit with her Aunt Ann the whole time. Her old Uncle Larry will protect her, not to worry ! It has been weeks and Lucius has not been a problem. I think he has learned his lesson.”

“ Larry, I think you are still being naive , but I  have no control over what you decide to do. Please do not underestimate your brother’s evilness again. ”

What I did not realize until later is that while I was talking to Larry, Meagan was reading a letter she had just received from Lucius. Of course,  he would deny it and the return address was fictitious, but this was just  another attempt  to take her down. Who would do this ? She did not share the note with Uncle Larry and Aunt Ann because she felt they wouldn’t believe it was from her father who , regardless of what has happened, they still want to believe he loves her so much. More importantly, the more evil Lucius is, the less people like Larry and Ann want to deal with  it and want to avoid  reality because it seems so unbelievably dark and ugly. Then there is also the fear of becoming even more of a target themselves.

***A Word of Caution : The following is the graphic and disgusting, but very revealing letter that Meagan received from her father which I did not see until a few days after Thanksgiving. Meagan’s darkest hour was upon her, which led to an irreversible turning point in her life.

The Letter  from Daddy

“ Dear M,

I so want to see you. I want to hold you tightly and undress you. Even as you quiver, I want to hold you close and strip you down until you are totally naked.

I want you to feel my hands as they touch your lips and chin, slowly your neck, and finally your breast. Those precious small nipples in my fingers. I want to hold my hand around your back as you struggle to free yourself, pretending you are not enjoying every thought. I want to lay down and roam your body freely as you lay motionless beneath me.

As my lips kiss every blessed spot and linger on your nipples, sucking the very life out of them, and feeling your wetness, which betrays your cries of NO !

I want to finger you and have you feel the presence of my hands controlling your every sexual response.

I want to feel your heart race, your body cry out in ecstasy and fear. I want you to be so wet with desire that when I go down on you that you feel urges never known to your body. 

I want you to have nothing left to do but to give yourself up to me.

I want your small virgin mouth to take me in deep and find pleasure in every ounce. As you have me swallowed up deep in your throat, I want to eat you out and have you unable to  move and avoid the pleasure of being a full woman. 

I promise you I will not hurt you as I enter your darkest spot. It will ONLY PLEASE ME MORE IF YOU FIGHT ME AND CAUSE ME TO HAVE TO SILENCE YOU.

M, my beloved sexual temptation, I can have you anywhere anytime I want. You are owned by me. I would have FREELY given you to a man for your husband to enjoy these things, but since YOU HAVE BEEN DEFILED, what man would want you ?

I do not want you to be deprived of these marvelous sensations and pleasures, so I will give them to you anytime I want.

I do know that you will give this to other men in your life and they will most likely feel compelled  to keep me away from you. But, M, you will always remember the times we have shared and you will always remember the things you felt and you will forever be mine. As you read this, I am sure you have found yourself wet with desire. Good, I do not ever want you to forget what I have written here, and I want you to think of this every time you let another man kiss you. 

With  All  My Pleasure and Love. “

Of course, Lucius would deny any of this. No one saw the note until the day after Thanksgiving, and when Larry  sent a copy of it to me, and then shared the darkest news he could deliver. I thought the world had already ended for Meagan.

So, Meagan, after hiding the note under her pillow, came cautiously out of her bedroom the next morning for Thanksgiving. Her parents arrived and her father with a wide  grin said his greetings to all, but did not approach Meagan who was partially standing behind Larry and Ann. Her mother Becky , with a zombie like appearance according to Ann, threw Meagan’s Birth Certificate at Meagan’s feet that was blood stained and coldly said, “ Oh, do I know you ? I once had a daughter who looked just like you”,  and then made her way towards the makeshift bar next to the kitchen. Her mother did not to say a word for the rest of the day and early evening, while remaining at the bar during dinner. 

After dinner and small talk, Larry reported to me that they were all cleaning up the table and doing dishes in the kitchen and Meagan, who had only few bites of mashed potatoes, most likely with a very sick stomach from the letter, walked into the den to get away for a moment of peace.  Not realizing her father was behind her in the den, she turned and Lucius went up to her and started to press his body against hers. He then started to feel her breasts. ” You are developing quite well I see “.  Uncle Larry walked into the room and saw Lucius with his hands on Meagan’s chest and knocked Lucius to the ground with one punch. They scuffled on the floor and all the while, Lucius was grinning, even laughing.  The police were called,  came and left with Lucius in handcuffs. After that, Meagan quietly removed herself from the room, and went to her closet…the one place she felt safe. But she knew she would never be safe again.

The outcome of Lucius’s arrest you might ask ? Of course, Lucius claimed to simply be angry that Meagan was not talking to him at Thanksgiving Dinner and that she was still living with Larry and Ann because he and his daughter were having some issues. Lucius further claimed that he had set up therapy for Meagan [ with Red }, but Meagan had refused to attend further sessions. In that anger, he said he put his hands on Meagan’s shoulders but stopped short of shaking her to admonish her for her behavior. Lucius agreed to the fact that he was angry and needed to learn to control that anger. Lucius appeared before a Judge that he “knew well” , and Lucius’s attorney questioned the only witness,  Larry. Larry testified that he wasn’t  sure what he really saw, so the Judge ordered Lucius to go to Anger Management Classes. Evil wins again !

Of course, just prior to appearing before the Judge, Lucius made it clear to Larry that he would make charges against him for assault unless he changed his story. Lucius knew that Meagan was too terrified to speak in her defense. So Larry, at the peak of his fear and weakness, and conjuring up all his failures in life, gave into that fear, further abandoning Meagan.