When Fear Rules !

Loved to Death: Chapter 8 Open Abuse Begins

by on Dec.16, 2020, under First Book : Loved to Death

Early the next morning I received a call from Meagan, which is rare as most of our communications are done in a Private Chat Room. I felt emotionally drained immediately, as I expected what I  was going to hear was nothing pleasant.

“Coach, why is God lettting this happen to me.”

She was sobbing and I could not find any words to console her. I froze as I expected to here something horrible, but it was worse than that. 

“ Daddy came into my room during the night and tried to rape me. He….he…oh God let me wake up from this dream… he rubbed his penis all over my body. He exploded all over me. It was horrible, disgusting. I want to die ! Why did God let this happen ? I feel so dirty and ugly.  I crossed my legs and kept my mouth shut tight because I knew what he wanted to do. Coach, why, why, why ? ”

I could not understand what she said next since she was crying so hard. I was afraid she was going to hyperventilate and pass out. How could I comfort her and tell her everything would be alright ? Everything she had believed in and trusted….her daddy….had attempted to rape her. Her whole world had become dependent on her daddy, and dependency weakens us. Probably his plan all along, to raise her  to use her as a play thing as he did his wife. 

“ Try to breathe Meagan !”

“ Coach, he…… he expected me to want him and kept saying that I was damaged goods so no one else would want me. He said he will teach me all I need to know, he will bring me to ‘the pleasure I know you want.’ God please, this is my daddy !”

I could hear her sobbing but no words were coming out of her mouth. The silence sent chills through me. ! Then she spoke, but her voice seemed to change, as the anger set in. “ No, he is not. He is not my daddy. He is this ugly man Lucius. He is the Satan. This is what he did to my mother, and I avoided helping her, being there for her. He is evil ! God is punishing me for not being there for my mother !”

Then, before I could say anything else, the line went dead. I had dreadful thoughts as to what was happening. I was processing all that was happening and wanted to urge her to call the police, but I knew she would not. Then she called back about twenty minutes later. “ Coach, I have taken three showers in hot water and used all the soap. I even used some lysol stuff  but I cannot get this feeling that his stuff is still on me. ”  There goes the evidence, but I understood.

“ Meagan, you are brave for not giving in to him. This proves what we have said. He is a very sick man. You did nothing wrong.”

“Coach, I said nothing and didn’t move.  He got so angry that I would not open my mouth or spread my legs and he ran from my room. He expected me to like what he was doing.  I felt angry and scared but did not say a word. I heard him slam his bedroom door and then he was strapping my mother, so hard, over and over ! Then he left the house. I have to get out of here but I don’t think there is anywhere safe. He will follow me ! I could go Uncle  Larry and Aunt Ann’s. I think they will accept me. Would you please talk to them ? I will tell them about you. But then he will hurt them. I have nowhere else.”

”Yes Meagan, you call them and then pack some things and keep them in your closet. Send me their contact information. I will talk to them this morning as soon as I can reach them. Are you ok with this? I have to tell them what is happening.  {long pause} Meagan, are you still there ?”

“ Yes, he will never expect me to leave. He thinks I really want this !

She is still in shock but she is not fighting me on going to stay with her Uncle and Aunt. We need to get her to a safe place and not be alone. 

“Meagan, first I need to ask you if you would consider pressing charges against your father for attempted rape ?”

“Oh my God no Coach, he would kill me for sure !”

“Meagan, I knew you would say that but I had to ask. I am not angry that you won’t. Please understand that. I am going to call your Uncle and Aunt, and you are OK with me telling them what has happened and what we need from them… their support and protection. I want  to set up some rules with them and I need your help, OK?

“Yes, what kind of rules.”

“ Meagan, we will discuss that when you are safe with your Aunt and Uncle.”

“ No Coach, I want to hear the rules !”

She sounded even more angry now. Her entire tone and demeanor changed again. I took that as a good sign.

“ Meagan, I know what you have been through has been horrifying and you are in shock emotionally so you will probably not remember. So I will tell you the rules and I will discuss them with your Aunt and Uncle, but I will repeat them many times. I suggest …

First, no calls or visits from your father while you are living with your Uncle and Aunt unless you request  or approve.”

“ Coach, I never want to see him again ! Please don’t call him my father anymore. I do not have a father. I do not have my daddy. He is dead to me. He is no different from those guys who raped me at school. He is Lucius, a very sick and selfish, ugly man who  I was stupid enough to believe and trust !”

“I agree with you, except for the stupid part. You just loved your father and trusted him. He created a dependency of you on him. You have to learn to trust yourself !

Next, you must never be alone with Lucius !”

“ I just told you I never want to see him again !”

“Do you have any monies or Savings Accounts or Trusts ?”

“ I can’t  think …Coach, I forgot all about that money, but my grandpa set up a trust for me. I have, I think, $ 200,000 for my education and to start up a law practice or business. ”

“  Which grandpa ? ”

“ My mother’s father.”

Then, you must have full control and  use of that money without Lucius’ interference or we will press charges.” 

“ Coach, no money is going to wash away this stench I feel.  I keep feeling his stuff all over my body, I can still smell it.  I have been so stupid ! ”

“ You need to be strong Meagan, but it is a huge plus that your grandpa set up that account for you. !  You can focus on the hurt you feel which is immense but also realize you have the opportunity to discover what YOU want to do with your life now. I know it will seem overwhelming at times, but you need to practice saying ‘One Step at a Time !’

Lucius must not interfere with your choices for your education or career. There are professionals who can advise you. And most importantly, you now, for the first time, are free to discover what you want to do with your life. You don’t have to make these decisions alone, you will have us as support people, but it will be your decision. 

So, another rule is that Lucius will not verbally threaten or physically touch you. 

And Meagan, there is a final rule , that you will enter therapy, while I am still your Coach, and he must not interfere with that therapy !

Do you agree Meagan ? ”

“ Yes Coach, but Lucius will not agree. !”

“Then you can press charges. You and I and your Uncle and Aunt, we can be part of your Support Team. And you will have a counselor who can offer support as another team member. Just let me know how things are going. We need to continue our private chats or calls each week, at least. You will have a Support Team that we will grow together.”

“Coach, thank you so much for helping me. I appreciate it, but what if my father doesn’t obey the rules and  tries to harm my Aunt and Uncle for helping me ? I don’t want anyone hurt because of me.”

“Then, again, WE will press charges !!! You will not be alone with this. As we build the Support Team, we will work together to stop Lucius. This is not just on your back. I am sure that Lucius has abused or manipulated other people in one way or another. You mentioned that Lucius never loses a case. While I am sure he has, I have to wonder if he plays dirty to win. We will find other victims and add them to our Support Team since each will gain strength from the others. I have done this before Meagan, trust me. 

Meagan, we have another option. We have great Universities in Ohio ! You are an adult now. YOU CAN COME HERE ! We will take care of things. So keep that thought in the back of your mind.”

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