When Fear Rules !

When Approval Becomes and Obsession

by on Apr.03, 2011, under Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Agoraphobia and OCD

If you see yourself as an approval seeking personality, one who either tends try to fix and take care of others [caregiver] , tends to bend over backwards to do what you feel people expect of you [conformer], or stretch to the point of often overwhelming yourself in order to do the “shoulds” [perfectionist], you may be at risk.

Now, there is nothing wrong with wanting approval, and working hard to seek it as long as you are not sacrificing bits and pieces of who you are and what you need and want to truly feel a sense of fulfillment in your life.

The issue becomes more of a troubling one when the “want” truly becomes an “NEED”.
When a caregiving person needs to be needed to the degree that a dependency on being needed is formed and resentment or anger develops as people do not recognize that the caregiver also had needs. The caregiver may even deny their needs, or not recognize they exist so as to ensure their role as the caregiver.

The conformer may strive to do what is expected, or better yet, what they perceive people expect of them, but how far does a person go to seek that approval if in fact, he may not always agree with what others want ? What happens to a person’s personality and self-esteem when they avoid their own needs, sacrifice what they want or believe in only to please another ? What price does the conformer pay for that approval ?

The perfectionist, oh how she may strive to be the best at what she does. But, if as is often the case, at the heart of all that effort is the want for approval, what happens when all she does is taken for granted and expected? She tries even harder, of course. And then comes the burn-out.

No, there is nothing wrong with wanting or seeking approval. It is NEEDING it that becomes the obsession.

Coach
Gene Benedetto, Psychologist

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