When Fear Rules !

Why My OCD has Flared Up Again ?

by on May.08, 2011, under Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Agoraphobia and OCD

Why My OCD has Flared Up Again ?

Drew had been gradually taking more and more control of his obsessive-compulsive symptoms. He was actually quite surprised that he had such control after years of being troubled by intrusive thoughts and fears and the need to “check” , to go back on anything he did to make sure it was right. He would, in the past, take hours out of his day to go back and do his work over again for fear he forgot something and check any reports over and over to make sure there were no errors. His checking was so out of control that it was effecting his ability to do his job.

However, Drew had learned in therapy that there was a reason for him falling into his obsessive –compulsive behaviors, and that the intrusive thoughts that he had to check for fear of somehow failing or being out of control was all part of his need to feel in control of his life. He learned that ANGER was his issue !

He was brought up in an atmosphere where he learned to never express how he felt, to suppress his emotions in order to prevent arguments, possible rejection and conflicts.
So, once he learned there was a reason, he made a very big effort to recognize his anger and deal with those feelings more effectively. As a result, his intrusive thoughts were minimal, and his urges to check were decreased to the point of being rare.

So when Drew came for a follow-up appointment a few months later expressing that his compulsive need to check things was showing up again, it was not hard to discover why.

Drew had slipped back into his old habitual patterns of avoiding conflict. Yes, even with all the progress he had made, with all his insight and successes, it was all to easy to fall back into the “avoidant” mode he had so often practiced most of his life.

As soon as he had felt better, he lapsed back into avoidance and did not realize the slide. As soon as I mentioned “avoidance” he responded, “ How could I not see this. I just got back from a family trip to see my parents and siblings, and while there I found myself getting angry as my sister and sister in law both kept yelling at my kids, saying things to them that I felt were hurtful. I would take my kids out to play when it happened, but I never said a word to the offending parties. How could I not see I was avoiding ? I told myself that I was doing good by protecting my kids in that I removed them from the situation, but I never expressed my frustration, I never said a word. Just talking about it now makes me so angry. I am angry with them, but I am so very angry with MYSELF for being weak, for not taking control.”

This is how our mind works. It does not make us bad people, but avoiding makes us think and feel thoughts that are very uncomfortable. Those thoughts of being angry with ourselves lead to inner conflicts that spawn a sense of being out of control. Hence, we find ourselves doubting ourselves, second-guessing, checking.

Drew took this all in, and began to redevelop a plan to discuss his feelings with the offending parties and his family, to take control. He had to feel more assertive, that he was not going to accept the feelings that came over him when he avoided. Those feelings would instead be what would stimulate him to take appropriate ACTION rather than AVOID.

Coach

Gene Benedetto, Clinical Psychologist

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