When Fear Rules !

Holding on to Fear !

by on May.22, 2011, under Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Agoraphobia and OCD

Holding on to Fear !

One typical behavior I see among most of my clients who experience panic attacks, or intrusive/obsessive thoughts is that they hold on to their fears.

I am not saying that they are fully conscious of what they are doing or why, but nonetheless, this can be at the heart of why they experienced panic or OCD to begin with.

Many times I have expressed that when a person experiences conflicts in his or her life, especially when there is a habit to avoiding or ignoring the conflicts, that an inner sense of weakness develops. We have all made some bad decisions in life, and most of us have had experiences where we feel we did not handle a situation well. Many of us have felt we have been bullied or found ourselves controlled or manipulated by another person. If we never take steps to deal with the people or situations, if we allow ourselves to repeatedly avoid conflict, what is the result ?

Avoiding conflicts leads to an erosion of self esteem for sure. When faced with conflicts, we feel fear. We often feel anger towards the person or situation that presents us with conflict, but we are often angry with ourselves for allowing the situations to persist. With the erosion or self-esteem comes the equally painful erosion of trust in ourselves. This begins a never ending and blinding cycle of avoidance…deflating of self-esteem…anger with self….lack of trust in self….and then more avoidance.

Sometimes the reality of this cycle existing in our lives is just more than we want to admit to, except in our most private thoughts. As a result of this emotional cycle, many will experience the symptoms of panic , intrusive thoughts or the menacing pattern of compulsive or ritualistic behaviors that seem to run our lives. What happens then is that the symptoms become the focus of all our attention. The symptoms, the result of our fears, allow us to further avoid recognizing or dealing with the source of our pain…..avoidance.

It is never easy facing our fears. However, when lack of self-trust and a fragile self-esteem take root, holding on to our fears allows us to further avoid.

Yes…there is an answer…a solution. No quick fix, but a step by step approach to realizing and facing your fears in real life. You will most likely need a very close friend, an ally or a coach to help you through this process, because you have allowed yourself to be Ruled By Fear.
But, it can be done.

Coach
Gene Benedetto,
Clinical Psychologist

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