Am I Becoming Needy Again?
by Coach on Jan.15, 2012, under Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Agoraphobia and OCD, STOPPING ABUSE
First, I think there is a huge difference between having needs and being needy. Having needs, emotional needs that is, happens to be a normal part of being a human. It can be seen in a special bond between two friends, it can be seen between a parent and child, or it is demonstrated by the intimate interaction between two loving, caring people, where they look out for each other as life companions, and are aware of each other’s struggles and need for affirmation and support.
Being needy, on the other hand, conjures up in my mind a person whose needs are so all-encompassing that he becomes selfish, where he is less aware of the needs of others and withdraws into a world where he feels entitled, and blames others for all the ills in the world. In this world of his making, he is not taking responsibility for his own sabotaging behaviors and attitudes that drives people away. Instead, he simply reacts to what he sees as rejection and as affirmation that the world is an up hill struggle,
However, a person with needs can sometimes visit the fringes of that needy world if he allows himself to get too comfortable, maybe even lazy. You see, our self-esteem is fragile. The very heart of one’s self-esteem depends on one’s perception of his personal worth and value, his purpose and meaning in life. If he is not actively creating personal goals, and attaining those goals, he can become more dependent on his affirmations coming more heavily from others instead of from what he is doing with his life. THAT is risky !
Dependency on others for feedback as to our worth and value is a typical part of many of our lives. There are those who are much less dependent, to be sure. There are personality types that truly derive the bulk of their esteem from what they do like some logical, analytic personality types.
However, the vast majority of my clients are adapting, approval seeking caregivers, perfectionists, peacekeepers or conformers. Understandably, since I specialize in working with individuals experiencing panic attacks, agoraphobia and obsessive-compulsive disorder, I am almost always working with adapting and approval seeking personalities. NOW, let me make myself clear. My clients are not weak. They are caring and sensitive personalities who often allow their want for approval and acceptance from others to dominate their lives instead of focusing on their own needs for personal growth. These people are the ones you want around when you are in a jam, and they are the ones you can depend on, but, they can at times put too much energy into taking care of others, fixing another person’s pain, or conforming to please and make everyone feel better that they forget to realize and take care of their own needs to achieve and grow their own self-esteeming behaviors that are less dependent on affirmations from others.
That dependency on others for their self-esteem rather than focusing a portion of their emotional energy on doing things in their life that build their self-esteem causes them to be more vulnerable to feeling rejection when certain persons do not respond to their often silent cries for affirmation.
I was reminded of this issue when a client of mine realized that he was feeling more needy lately. Then he realized that he had been more focused on his relationship with his girlfriend and had settled into a entry level job and had become lax in thinking of his career goals. He was feeling comfortable, yet uncomfortable because he was finding himself too dependent on that relationship for his self-esteem and because he had temporarily stopped focusing on his career. Dependency breeds a sense of vulnerability, and that leads to inner conflicts that lead to anxiety symptoms.
Take a hard look at your life, and assess whether their is a balance between the the esteem you derive through the affirmations of others as opposed to affirmations that come from within as you see yourself accomplishing goals, stretching to challenge your fears and not allowing yourself to become TOO comfortable with the status quo.
Gene Benedetto, Psychologist
Coach
January 17th, 2012 on 7:20 am
OMG!!!! This is me to the “T” and I cannot live this way anymore. I have lived 40 years trying to please everybody else and I then realized that I was absolutely miserable. I lost all my friends, my family is using me anyway they can, and I am so desperately alone. And I am scared to death to go out anywhere by myself so I just isolate all the time. I am ready to make profound changes in my life so that I finally may be truly HAPPY!!
January 17th, 2012 on 9:16 pm
Amber, Please come join us in group on line Sunday Nights.
http://www.OneStepataTime.com
But no matter what you decide, I hope you take steps to take control…because you CAN !
Gene B {Coach}
January 24th, 2012 on 1:42 am
I was very pleased to find this web-site http://ruledbyfear.com/?p=617 . About Am I Becoming Needy Again? Ruled By Fear I wanted to thank you for your time for this wonderful read!! I definitely am enjoying every little bit of it and I have you bookmarked to check out new stuff on your blog post.What you just written here surely has me interested up to the last word, and I must say to you I rarely read the entire post of blogs as I usually got bored and tired of the gibberish that is presented to me on a daily basis and just end up checking out the pictures and the headlines etc. But your tag-line and the first paragraphs were exceptional and it instantly got me hooked. Commending you for a job well done in here. Thanks !! 🙂
January 25th, 2012 on 10:03 am
18. Hi there, You have done an incredible job. I will definitely digg it and personally suggest to my friends. I’m sure they’ll be benefited from this site.
January 26th, 2012 on 6:47 am
Thanks – Enjoyed this blog post, how can I make is so that I get an update sent in an email every time you make a new article?
January 27th, 2012 on 8:52 am
I’ve been OCD for a while and the only meds I’ve been given for it are anti-anxiety meds like benzodiazepines etc. I was given a pamphlet on other meds though; I think there were some anti-psychotics in there, some anti-depressants, etc.
January 28th, 2012 on 8:03 pm
Thanks for your article, “Am I Becoming Needy Again? Ruled By Fear” … I bookmarked and will try to be back later to see some of your other posts. Thanks, Margot
January 28th, 2012 on 8:35 pm
Spot on with this write-up, I really assume this web site needs far more consideration. I’ll in all probability be once more to learn far more, thanks for that info.
January 29th, 2012 on 8:29 am
Hello I am so excited I found your blog, I really found you by mistake, while I was looking on Digg for something else, Anyways I am here now and would just like to say many thanks for a tremendous post and a all round enjoyable blog (I also love the theme/design), I don’t have time to read through it all at the moment but I have book-marked it and also added in your RSS feeds, so when I have time I will be back to read more, Please do keep up the excellent work. Peace, Latashia
January 29th, 2012 on 5:52 pm
unnormously right! 🙂
January 29th, 2012 on 8:15 pm
I have been surfing online more than three hours today, yet I never found any interesting article like yours. It抯 pretty worth enough for me. In my view, if all webmasters and bloggers made good content as you did, the web will be much more useful than ever before.
January 29th, 2012 on 10:31 pm
Well written post. I really like reading this blog for the reason that the writers often write excellent posts. Great work once again. I am planning to subscribe to this feed and bookmark this website.Great. Ain’t technology sweet?
January 31st, 2012 on 1:53 am
Please, keep sharing more stuff like this its intresting!!
February 1st, 2012 on 10:28 pm
Merely wanna comment on few general things, The website layout is perfect, the subject matter is very good : D.
February 2nd, 2012 on 7:33 pm
Love your blog!
February 3rd, 2012 on 9:46 am
I’m typically to blogging and i really respect your content. The article has actually peaks my interest. I am going to bookmark your site and hold checking for brand spanking new information.
February 3rd, 2012 on 11:21 am
Youre so cool! I dont suppose Ive learn something like this before. So good to seek out any individual with some authentic thoughts on this subject. realy thanks for beginning this up. this website is one thing that is wanted on the internet, someone with a bit of originality. useful job for bringing one thing new to the web!
February 4th, 2012 on 1:40 am
Great Post:)
February 6th, 2012 on 11:35 am
As a start, I really want to thank you for the very valuable article, I really was searching for some info like this one. I’m so amazed that i found it. Next I suggest that your blog needs to be reworked a little bit more on its layout. Sincerly Joe.
February 7th, 2012 on 7:36 am
I entirely appreciate this article… If it’s not trouble create more posts.
February 7th, 2012 on 11:11 pm
That is the right weblog for anybody who needs to find out about this topic. You understand a lot its almost laborious to argue with you (not that I really would want…HaHa). You positively put a brand new spin on a topic thats been written about for years. Great stuff, just nice!
February 8th, 2012 on 4:38 am
This is the precise blog for anybody who wants to find out about this topic. You understand so much its almost hard to argue with you (not that I actually would need…HaHa). You positively put a new spin on a topic thats been written about for years. Nice stuff, just nice!
February 10th, 2012 on 8:27 am
Awesome post! I will keep an on eye on your blog.
February 10th, 2012 on 9:44 am
you have an excellent blog here! would you wish to make some invite posts on my blog?
February 10th, 2012 on 12:22 pm
Hiya! Fantastic blog! I happen to be a daily visitor to your site (somewhat more like addict ) of this website. Just wanted to say I appreciate your blogs and am looking forward for more!
February 10th, 2012 on 5:46 pm
I think other web-site proprietors should take this website as an model, very clean and magnificent user friendly style and design, as well as the content. You’re an expert in this topic!
February 11th, 2012 on 4:58 pm
I create a leave a response when I especially enjoy a post on a website or if I have something to add to the discussion. Usually it is caused by the fire displayed in the post I looked at. And after this article Am I Becoming Needy Again? Ruled By Fear. I was moved enough to drop a thought 🙂 I do have 2 questions for you if it’s allright. Could it be simply me or does it give the impression like some of these responses look like they are left by brain dead visitors? 😛 And, if you are posting on additional online sites, I’d like to keep up with anything fresh you have to post. Would you list all of all your public pages like your linkedin profile, Facebook page or twitter feed?
March 19th, 2012 on 7:59 pm
Hello, thanks for taking the time to go over this, I’m firmly about information and facts and really like discovering more on this, if at all possible, when you gain knowledge, Extremely of great help for me.
April 10th, 2012 on 1:43 pm
this post shows the information which is close to standard. convincing way of expression due to that reason your post become so informative.http://www.marcabr.net
April 10th, 2012 on 2:29 pm
Nice post. I learn something tougher on completely different blogs everyday. It should at all times be stimulating to learn content from different writers and follow a bit something from their store. I’d want to make use of some with the content on my blog whether you don’t mind. Natually I’ll provide you with a link in your internet blog. Thanks for sharing.
April 10th, 2012 on 4:14 pm
i guess i partially agree.http://www.pagode2011.com
April 24th, 2012 on 1:12 pm
very good put up, i definitely love this website, carry on it
April 27th, 2012 on 7:56 pm
Discovered your article really remarkable in fact. I seriously enjoyed reading it and you simply make quite some great points. I am going to bookmark this web-site for that foreseeable future! Relly excellent write-up.
April 30th, 2012 on 6:52 am
Thanks for the great post. I found it really handy, keep up the good work!
May 3rd, 2012 on 8:28 pm
thanks very much for this great post! i had a lot of interesting thoughts while reading this which i might just put into action right away. thanks.http://www.listasegmentada.com
May 4th, 2012 on 8:37 am
There are certainly lots of particulars like that to take into consideration. That may be a great point to bring up. I provide the ideas above as normal inspiration however clearly there are questions just like the one you carry up the place the most important thing can be working in honest good faith. I don?t know if finest practices have emerged round things like that, however I am sure that your job is clearly recognized as a fair game. Both girls and boys feel the affect of just a moment’s pleasure, for the rest of their lives.
May 5th, 2012 on 12:03 pm
Thanks for the great post. I found it really useful, keep up the great work.
May 6th, 2012 on 12:59 am
you are my inspiration , I own few blogs and sometimes run out from to brand : (.
May 6th, 2012 on 9:46 pm
thanks for posting your articles so often, every day i access your website and check for updates. so i am always informed.http://www.listasegmentada.com
May 6th, 2012 on 10:15 pm
Uncovered your article very fascinating in fact. I actually liked reading through it so you make rather some excellent factors. I am going to bookmark this web page for your upcoming! Relly wonderful article.
February 10th, 2013 on 4:11 pm
I’d must check with you here. Which is not one thing I usually do! I enjoy studying a put up that can make folks think. Additionally, thanks for allowing me to comment!