When Fear Rules !

Think About This, Feel About That !

by on Apr.01, 2013, under Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Agoraphobia and OCD

 

Think About This, Feel About That !

What do you REALLY think and feel ?

What do you REALLY think and feel ?

 

I have heard it said, ” You are who you are when no one is looking.” That always made sense to me since many of us spend so much of our time adapting or molding into what we think others expect us to be. At least, many of my clients suffering from anxiety, panic attacks or obsessive-compulsive thoughts and rituals would find this to be true.

 

In fact, I have found that a predominant issue that triggers many of their anxiety symptoms is, in fact, their gradual realization that the need for approval and acceptance, their want to fit in and belong, and their fear of failure and rejection by others all to often effect or restrict what they do with their lives, or what they do not do.

 

We are, so to speak, what we think, feel and do !

 

But how easily are your thoughts influenced by what you think you ” should ” think ? Do you actually say what you think, or express your thoughts in terms that are more in line with others around you at the moment ? How often do you truly share your thoughts and risk disapproval or disagreement ?

 

Since what you FEEL is often significantly molded by what you think, if your thoughts

are not clearly your own, or are influenced by your fears of rejection or ridicule, what do you truly feel ? Are you being honest with yourself ? Like, what do you really feel about gay marriage, gun control, or abortion ? Look in the mirror and ask yourself !

 

In the end, it is what you DO with your life as a result of what you think and feel that  brings you a sense of purpose, of meaning, of worth and value. So the more conflict there is about what you truly think and feel, the more likely you might be to avoid or be otherwise distracted from really doing  what you could with your life !

 

Many a good and well-meaning person will waste so much emotional and psychological energy seeking approval, acceptance and validation from others that they often do not realize that they are giving up any potential momentum they could be devoting to their real personal growth.

 

When I focus with clients on having them truly define what they think and feel, and when they actually express their wants and opinions, they realize how much they have held themselves back. It takes time to learn to challenge their fears that have held them back, but they do, step by step, and as a result, they begin to TRUST their thoughts and opinions, to EMBRACE their feelings and to DO things in their life that bring more worth and value to their days.

 

They still care what others think and feel, but they learn to set boundaries  as to how far they go to please. They are respectful of others thoughts and feelings but require respect in return.

 

Gene Benedetto, Psychologist

 

Benhaven Counseling, LLC

 

Blog: RuledByFear.com

 

Newsletter and On-Line Support Group: OneStepataTime.com

 

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2 Comments for this entry

  • BG

    I agree that it is importance to learn to balance how much you depend on approval from others and how much you learn to stand up for. For example, I have experienced dealing with others that don’t truly understand my anxiety and may not understand how hard I truly am trying to overcome it. When people make comments that bother me, referring to me not seeming to be trying hard enough, it hurts and I often used to shrink away or begin to feel guilty. I have learned that sometimes you have to politely stand up for yourself and say that you are still having trouble with anxiety, but that you are working hard to overcome it. If a person cannot accept that, that is their fault. I know it’s easier said than done, especially when it’s someone you love and want to please. I often feel like I am letting my family down when I experience anxiety, but one has to remember that as long as they are truly trying and succeeding, they shouldn’t feel guilty. Also, even if there are times when you feel you are not succeeding, you must still continue to strive towards getting better.
    I also agree that one should realize how they feel about certain topics and issues and not neccessarily just what they have always been told. One must realize what their beliefs are and stand by them.

  • steve105s

    Agree 100 percent with the article. We need to state our opinions and beliefs in a professional manner. Today so many people seem to attack instead on listening and thinking and then making a reponse to a situation. The question is when do we give up and draw a line at times on a person. There are so many people who only accept there opinion. I always struggled with the person who is always right, when actually they are delusional. The ones who can never see things from another perspective only there opinion matters and there always right.

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