Fear rules much of our lives whether we will admit it or not. The more we are aware of our fears, and challenge them every day, the more we take back control of our lives.
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when we are afraid of the light.” Plato
Fear is ever present at one level or another. We can fear failing, rejection, embarrassment, or abandonment and that fear can paralyze us. I have witnessed many a good person be anxious or depressed because they have not lived a dream, met a challenge, or experienced more of what they are capable of because fear froze them in their tracks.
Often, we will spend much time rationalizing and justifying that whatever we avoided was not that important, but in our private moments and deepest thoughts, we are angered or frustrated with ourselves for shrinking in the face of fear.
While I have had the privilege of being part of helping many a client overcome their fears and see a fuller life, there are those who give up because past life experiences have all but trashed any splinter of trust and belief in themselves that they can change.
” Be not a slave to your past- plunge into the seas, dive deep and swim far, so you shall come back with new self-respect, with new power, and with advanced experience that shall explain and overlook the old.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
One of the most voracious and paralyzing forms of fear that I have witnessed has been as a result of a person becoming the victim of another who has designs to manipulate and control her or him. When persons of little or no conscience, guided by their own private agendas, are able to rationalize emotionally, physically or sexually abusing an unexpecting victim, the results are devastating and life-altering. Feeling like damaged-goods, and laden with shame and guilt, where does the victim find the strength ? To take steps to challenge and bring the abuser to justice takes superior courage and a very special need for a support system of caring persons.
When offending person or persons are openly hostile, as in the case of a rape, the difficulties of coping and mending one’s life are very difficult, but when the manipulative person or persons are more subtle, take time to build trust, and slowly weaken their subjects by finding their weaknesses and using that knowledge to shame or guilt their victims, the effects are shattering and everlasting. Victims of such malicious and calculated abuse and manipulation tend to blame themselves for being so weak, vulnerable and naive, and often their abusers will use awareness of even those feelings to further sabotage their victims chances to hold them accountable.
I am just beginning to write a book about such a case, hoping to teach potential victims how to recognize and protect themselves. It has taken me five plus years to get past the anger and helplessness I experienced being a witness to such a tragedy. I hope to share snippets with you as I proceed. Fear can be deadly !
Gene Benedetto PsychologistThe Benhaven Group, LLC