I have had a few Members of RuledByFear.com ( Our Blog ) say that they had a difficult time reading my first book, ” Loved to Death, Meagan’s Story ” ! While disappointed, I fully understood, so my first reaction was, ” then don’t ”!
However, after giving it some thought, the whole purpose of writing this true story was to teach you, to awaken your full realization that things like emotional and sexual abuse do happen every day, and that the abuser may be someone you trusted or allowed yourself to become dependent on. Most importantly, I wanted to empower you to more quickly realize when someone in your life is actually manipulating or controlling you…before things get ugly. The abuse, control and manipulation often starts off slowly so that no major triggers are set off in your mind, so you get sucked in. But then in your private thoughts, you are feeling uncomfortable but make excuses as Meagan did.
We need to learn and fully understand that some of us are so trusting, so caring, so adapting, so approval seeking, that we are even more vulnerable to the tactics of the Narcissistic and Sociopathic, even Psychopathic people who really do exist and who prey on good people.
We must learn not to hide these issues and try to deal with them alone, due to shame that you have been so gullible. We must not try to deal with even small incidences alone, where someone is trying to use blame, shame, or guilt to take control. A Support Team of your most trusted friends, and a therapist, a minister, must be brought in for support so you can express your concerns, doubts and fears out loud and they can give you feedback. I have had many clients that have heard their own words as they speak to me, and realize even before I say anything, that they are being manipulated and abused. “ How could I have been stupid ” they will say in disgust. But I assure them that there are those Controlling and Manipulative types out there with no conscience, and that gives them power over the best of us.
I admit, even I was shocked and anxious at the tactics Meagan’s abuser used with me once he knew I was involved. There were sleepless nights when I would receive threats, and then bribes to silence me. But then I realized, for him to take such risks meant we were making progress.
And to be sure, the numbers of the manipulators are growing every day in our society and all over the world. So we must arm ourselves with knowledge and support to protect ourselves.
So, yes, I would suggest you read ” Loved to Death ”, even the chapters that are uncomfortable. I want the printed words and what you experience reading them to arm you, not make you paranoid, but awaken, sensitize you, equip you with the knowledge and skills to recognize what is happening and to always be prepared. The real characters in the book were for the most part, victims of the same person who victimized Meagan. Although easy targets as individuals, they grew in strength, working together, putting their fears aside as they realized strength in their numbers and knowledge to take down Meagan’ s Abuser.
Gene Benedetto, Psychologist/Emeritus/Coach