They are controlling, manipulative and abusive…so run as fast as you can. Unless you have discovered too late and are married to one, in which case, prepare yourself. He or she will suck the air out of your lungs and do whatever it takes to blame, shame and guilt you. They have no remorse, and it is all about control to them.
Oh yes, he or she can be charming in the beginning, but they will lay their traps and you cannot effectively deal with them by yourself. This in no way means you are weak ! However it is very difficult going up against a person who lacks a conscience by yourself.
What makes the situation worse is that these personality types are multiplying, finding themselves in corporations and political positions where not having a conscience pays off at times, so they can hone their skills and be rewarded for it.
Professionally, I have seen a pattern where these personality types come from childhoods where they were spoiled instead of nurtured and loved.
However, all is not hopeless, yet. As a Psychologist, I have worked with my share of people in crisis due to a relationship where he or she is in a crippling, painful, exhausting relationship with a Narcissist orSociopath.
When I discover that the person sitting in front of me is being manipulated by one of these personality types, especially in a marriage, I tell the client, “If you are serious, we need a Support Team for you to work with, people that will especially be able, like a life jacket in a sea of fear, lift your head above water and and keep you from drowning.
The client would often cancel the next appointment out of fear, and feeling overwhelmed, but most often they come back after another crippling incident of abuse.
Then we could get to work…..
Usually I have the client explore professional and empathetic abuse groups that offer ongoing meetings and special services for support when money is an issue.
Then I ask permission to talk with the clients primary care physician.
Then, if the client is active with a church, I involve a member of the clergy.
So we have all our ducks in a row, I advise consulting with an attorney who has experience and has permission to talk to me, or again, an attorney who is associated with the previously mentioned
Then, in many cases, we would want to add a private investigator, preferably retired with great experience and bored with retirement.
This plan of action has worked for me many times over my career.
Gene Benedetto, Psychologist/Emeritus/Coach