I had learned from my high school and early college years that if there is conflict in your life that you do not deal with, that you avoid, it can cause more intense anxiety, even panic attacks.

I did experience panic attacks and tried to hide that as I thought it would get me booted from the Graduate program. However, when the panic causes even more avoidance and self-doubt, and more panic, you cannot give into it. So, I was counseled by a very observant Counselor who happened to be my Advisor and we worked through the causes for my symptoms which taught me some very important lessons on how to recognize and eradicate the panic. Deal with conflict…do not avoid the issues.

The conflict was that I wanted everyones’ approval and would alter what I truly thought, believed and wanted in my life just to please and be accepted. I was avoiding doing what I really wanted and needed to do in my life, because I was trying to live out my father’s dream for me. He was a fantastic physician, and I would spend time with him at his office because I could learn so much from him. I would even go with him when he did house-calls. I learned to stitch up a wound and deliver babies ! I also saw his special way of comforting his patients as he would counsel them through their health issues. It was just a given that I would follow in his footsteps. I never allowed myself to consciously think anything else. I was in the pre-med program in college and my life was planned out for Med School. But then the anxiety hit, and through counseling I had a breakthrough moment for me. I learned to speak my mind, respectfully but fully and ….to set boundaries as to how far I would stretch to please others. I loved helping people, but I did not want to deliver babies or help them to heal their bodies. I wanted to help heal the their mind, their souls. So I switched to the Psychology program. My relationship with my dad was strained for a while, but we healed those wounds as time went by, and we became closer.

It most likely will take some counseling to become aware of the real issues behind your panic and anxiety, because avoiding conflict for many, has become a well-entrenched habit.

Now, if your anxiety has led to panic attacks, you must develop a plan to face those symptoms. In my experience as a Psychologist, I would recommend you work with a professional that can guide and support you in the process, that is if you can find one who does not resort to medications as the cure-all. Not that medications can not be helpful, but they are not the cure, from my experience.

The key word here is Desensitize ! Take on change, but do it in small but consistent bites

So, to be clear, you must face some changes in how you deal with people and express yourself, but also expose yourself to situations that you have learned to avoid because of the anxiety.

Before I started my own psych practice forty-five years ago, I chose to work for a well-established and well-known practice for just a year while I decided what community I wanted to work and live in. I openly expressed that I wanted to have my own Practice and not be limited or restricted. While I was surprised they agreed, I believe they thought I would give up on the idea of starting over on my own once realized how much went into establishing a private practice. I admit, having to do nothing but see clients and not have to deal with the daily stress of administration, billing and maintaining a Practice was the easier way and I would entertain the idea on occasion.

They immediately, to my surprise, put me in charge of running an in-person weekly Support Group for Anxiety Disorders because in one of our early staff meetings I admitted that I had suffered with panic attacks throughout my high school and college years, but had effectively taken control of the paralyzing panic attacks.

I had some great experiences working with that Group Practice, and had the opportunity to do some psych gigs on a local radio and TV station. Great experience, although it was daunting at first to be sure. I desensitized, took it all in small bites.

However, I did leave the Practice in good standing as the Psychologist who owned that Practice understood where I was coming from as he had done the same when he entered the field. I set up my practice far enough a way that we would not be in competition.

I was still anxious but also excited to have my one man office in a safe community. I just took it in steps, again giving myself time to desensitize and feel more secure. I threw myself into my little practice and gradually added clients and focused on helping them overcome their issues.

Meeting my clients’ physicians, with the client’s approval, was my next step. They would be potential referral sources and establishing a good working relationship with each of them was one of the most important steps I took. I was very nervous at first as that old need for approval would show it’s ugly head, but I was talking to them about their patients, and that made it much more comfortable. So, in fact, I was building personal relationships with the doctors too.

I eventually moved from my one man office to a 2800 square foot space and then doubled that and began interviewing other therapists to work with me. I ended up with a staff of a dozen including Therapists with specialties, and a Psychiatrist, and someone to handle the phones and billing. I was up and running !!!

Think of the things you avoid, think of steps to take to face your fears, and get professional help to guide and support you.

Gene Benedetto, Psychologist Emeritus

Blog: www.RuledByFear.com

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